Asking for Directions

I hate when male customers ask me for directions. As soon as they spot another penis in the store they completely walk away from me and ask the other man for directions. This happens ALL the time:

Now Hiring, Now Firing!

I always hate when we have to put up the "Now Accepting Applications" sign because of the weirdos we get applying for jobs.

We have a section on there that asks if you've ever been convicted of a crime (or something like that, I can't remember the exact wording.)

People - it doesn't help you if you lie on your application.

I do background checks on potential people we might hire. I tend to favor the people more that are HONEST about what they've gotten in trouble with before.

However, when you answer "No" to the question of ever having been convicted of a crime and you're lying, then your application pretty much goes in the garbage.

Last week was a smorgasbord of different convictions. I found one guy who has weapons charges on his record. Another who was convicted for felony theft and yet another that had MULTIPLE drug convictions - some as recent as December!

I also found that a sex offender had applied as well. Aren't sex offenders convicted of a crime if they are labeled a sex offender? Did he write it down on his application? Of course not.

Look, I understand that people probably made mistakes or are too embarrassed to put down what they've been in trouble for. I understand that even criminals need to make a living too. (Not sure about sex offenders, though. We do have a lot of teens that come into the store.)

But when the application says in big bold letters A BACKGROUND CHECK MAY BE CONDUCTED, then maybe you want to tell the truth a little.

One applicant wrote that he was convicted of a dui, but that he's been sober for 9 months. Out of all of those other applications, he's the one we are going to interview because *gasp* he told the truth!

On another note, the bottom of our application says 'DO NOT CALL REGARDING THE STATUS OF YOUR APPLICATION'.

Yet, every other day, the guy I mentioned earlier with the weapons charges is calling us every day asking about his application. He's a mean fucker, too. I've tried to tell him we are just accepting applications and not hiring just yet, but he gets mean with me and gets an attitude. I'm afraid to tell him to go fuck himself because I don't want him bringing one of those weapons in my store and shooting the place up!

Marriage, Babies and Annoying Customers

Customers have been annoying the shit out of me lately. What else is new, right?

Well, I just recently celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary and ever since I got married people have been badgering me as to when I am going to have kids.

Lately it's been getting worse. Customers come in, look directly at my stomach and yell "Is there a baby in there yet?!?!?" or some other variation of that.

I even had one lady arguing with me about why I wasn't pregnant yet. I tried giving her every excuse in the book.

Bitch customer: So when are you gonna pop out some babies???

Me: When we can afford it.

Bitch customer: What's to afford? Don't you want any kids?

Me: Well we are waiting so we don't go bankrupt or into debt or anything.

Bitch customer: Why wait? You're running out of time, you know.

Me: Thanks for calling me old, but I'm not running out of time. We just got married, I'd like to enjoy that time together right now.

Bitch customer: Oh, you can have time later on with each other. Start poppin' those babies out!

What I wanted to do was put the focus on her since she was embarrassing me in front of other customers about something that's none of her business. Since she has no problem butting into my life, I wanted to talk about how her husband is a scumbag and filed divorce papers on her out of nowhere while she was out of town visiting her dying mother. And then he decided to change his mind and take her back. Why can't we talk about that instead of why I'm not having any children?

There's another customer that comes in every other day and asks if I'm pregnant yet. So I finally told her that when I do get pregnant, she will be the first person to know.

She's like, "Well, not the first, but maybe around the 5th person." Seriously? This is also the customer that got really pissed at me because I didn't invite her to my wedding. I'M JUST YOUR CASHIER LADY. YOU ARE JUST A CUSTOMER THAT BUYS TOO MUCH LOTTERY. GO AWAY.

It's getting frustrating and I'm running out of excuses.

Anyone got anything good I could use to get these people off my back?

Dateline This Sunday

Be sure to watch Dateline this Sunday.

They are doing a special on lottery tickets and getting scammed by your cashier.

See? I TOLD you there were shitty cashiers out there that will try and steal your money if you don't know how much your lottery ticket winnings are before you bring it into the store.

Chris Hansen rules.

Craigslist Missed Connections

I don't know if any of you ever go on Craigslist, but I always go on and read the 'Missed Connections' section.

What it's for is usually if you saw someone somewhere and you thought they were cute or something, then you go on Missed Connections and put up a post on there trying to find that person.

I've waited for six years for someone from my store to be mentioned.

And it finally happened.

One of the girls that work for us is a big flirt and she will always talk to customers and ALOT of guys ask her out (girls too, but that's another story).

Anyways, these people will ask for her phone number and she will sometimes give it out. She makes plans with these people and never follows through. She'll always give some kind of excuse as to why she never called them or why she never showed up for their 'date'. People come in all the time looking for her, and it's kind of funny because it gives me drama to watch.

So i was innocently reading the Craigslist Missed Connections the other day and came across a post with our store name and the name of the employee in it. Excitedly I clicked on it.

This was a few weeks ago and it has since been deleted, but it basically went on to say that she sucked and that she never called him after they talked all summer. It then included a picture of her at the bottom of the post.

Seeing this made my whole week. AND...a few weeks later, there was ANOTHER post, probably from the same person, STILL going on about how much she sucked and that she broke their heart.

After I told her about it and laughed at her, she has seemed to calm down with the customers because I don't think she wants to be talked bad about on the Internet.

Has anyone read Missed Connections before and found themselves on it?

Foiled Again

I really don't understand people sometimes.

We had a girl come into the store the other day. She looked around awhile and then ended up leaving without buying anything. Naturally I became suspicious and went to the back of the store to see what I could find.

I found this open on the shelf:


















She had stolen a piece of aluminum foil! Now, I realize that it would be difficult to put the whole thing in your purse and take it, but why steal one small piece of it? Did she have leftovers to wrap up and ran out of foil?

So now, we have her picture up on our wall for people we need to look out for because she owes us $2 for that!

I was clueless why she would take just a small piece of foil until a coworker told me that she probably took it so that she could use it for drugs.

Now I'm really clueless. What does one small piece of foil do? Can someone enlighten me?

New Year, Same Shitty People

Happy New Year everyone!

I'm ready for 2012 to start. 2011 can suck it.

Last week I received a phone call asking for the manager.

"I'm the manager," I told this woman.

"I thought the manager's name was Steve," she said.

"That's the owner, he's my dad but he's not here right now."

"Oh, I guess you'll do. I have a complaint about one of your employees."

"Go on," I said, intrigued.

She went on to tell me how one of our employees was extremely rude to her when she was there. She said that the cashier ringing her up YELLED at her to sign her credit card slip and slammed her cigarettes down on the counter with such force that she thought the cashier broke the cigarettes inside.

Naturally I apologized and said I would reprimand the employee. I invited her to come in for a free coffee courtesy of the store and we hung up shortly after.

As usual I never really believe anything a customer says until I verify it for myself, so I immediately went to our security system and checked the date and time that this woman said she was in.

Sure enough, there she was, and there was our cashier ringing her up.

I had to watch the tape about five times to make sure, because there was NOTHING WRONG. There was no slamming of cigarettes on the counter, there was no yelling. Our cashier was even smiling at her when ringing her up!

I did notice that this lady came in with an attitude. She's the one that threw her purse down on the counter and seemed to be all pissy with the cashier. This is also a customer that I've never seen before, even though she said she's always in every morning. Bullshit. I know every morning customer and she ain't one of them.

People, if you're going to complain about one of us, make sure it happened the way you said it happened. Don't fuck around and try to get us in trouble.