An Employment Application

We get lots of applications in, sometimes from some less-than-desirable people.

One time a younger girl came in. She seemed very friendly, nicely dressed and maybe someone we'd have considered working with us.

"Can I have an application?" she asked as she walked up to my register.

"Sure!" I said happily. Finally someone normal-looking that we could possibly hire instead of these freak applications that we had been receiving.

So she took it outside, filled it out and brought it back in with a smile.

"What hours can you work?" I said, checking out the application.

"Oh, anything is fine with me. I can also come in to work on short notice too if someone were to call off." She seemed so perfect even her teeth sparkled.

I told her I'd give her application to the boss and he's be contacting her if interested. She smiled and walked out.

Upon further inspection of the application, I noticed this about one of the questions on it:

5. Have you ever been convicted of theft?

Her answer:

Yes, and I'm currently evading cops.

It seriously had to be some kind of joke, right? Who puts that? Sometimes it's bad to be too honest.

Just what I need; her calling off of work because Dog the Bounty Hunter found her.

Umm No. We Are Not Hiring

Sometimes we put up an "Accepting Applications" sign on our door. This doesn't necessarily mean we are hiring at the moment, it just means we are expecting someone to leave and want to have the hours covered if we need to.

Now, the normal people will fill out an application and leave it for the manager.

The annoying people will constantly call a few times a day to check if the manager has looked at their application.

The weirdos? Well, they'll just come in smelling like marijuana and irritate the hell out of me.

A few weeks ago this guy comes in and wants to talk to the manager. Normally that's me, but only when I choose to be the manager. That day I didn't feel like dealing with this guy, so I told him the manager was busy.

"Well, who's the manager?"

"I said he's busy."

"Okay, then I'll just wait," this guy says as his hands are shaking and he's acting all jumpy.

"Well, what did you need to see the manager for?"

"I want to give him this application. I really need a job, BAD." What, for your pot addiction?

So I tell him I'll take his application and he reluctantly hands it to me. He still says he's going to wait around for the manager. I look outside at the car he drove in with, and inside is his friend doing what else, but smoking a joint.

Now I'm annoyed because this idiot won't go away. He's standing at my register bouncing around, waiting for a manager that honestly, will never come.

I tell him this time that the manager is in a meeting and might be awhile.

"I don't care, I really need a job. I'll wait all day. I need a job."

"Well, you aren't going to get it by standing around here annoying me."

He looks at me. "Well I wouldn't have to answer to you, so f*** off."

Ahh yes, this one's a charmer. He has successfully pissed me off. Little does he know that he WOULD have to answer to me.

So I give him a look of evil and tell him that he isn't going to get any kind of job by swearing at me, and to get the f*** out of the store.

I don't know what drugs that little shithead was on, but there was no way he was going to work here just so he could rob us blind. Or do drug deals outside. Which we've had happen too.

I wonder if the asshole did end up getting a job somewhere. Hopefully not in retail. Hopefully not anywhere.