Say It, Don't Spray It

Spist - a combination of spitting and spraying a fine mist on something when sneezing or coughing.

I was at the grocery store yesterday and passed one of their employees stocking fruit. I watched as this woman sneezed right onto the fruit. Didn't even cover her mouth or anything.

After she left to go stock something else, I walked over there and noticed that there was a thin layer of something on the fruit. It was mist from her spit, which I have named Spist.

This reminded me of how people at my store turn their head to sneeze all the time. If their hands are full and the sneeze is coming on, many will just turn their head to sneeze and not cover their mouth at all. They won't even use their arm to cover up their sneeze. Which means everything to the right or left of them will get sprayed with Spist.

Now, this is WAY better than sneezing on me, which people do all the time, but still. People don't know what their touching in the store and who has recently sneezed or coughed on what.

We clean the store everyday, but no one thinks to wipe down the Tic-Tacs or packages of gum. All of those contain Spist.

If you happen to pick up something in the store, it's probably wise to wash your hands immediately. Spist can contain many things, most of the time it's phlegm with bits of throat skin in it. Do you really want to be touching throat skin?

So the next time you go shopping, it would probably be best to pick the item that's all the way in the back. That way you're probably safe from flying Spist.

Would You Like a Bag?

I hate asking customers if they want their stuff in a bag.

I don't mind the ones that actually NEED a bag, but the ones that buy a 25 cent granola bar? What the hell do you need a bag for?

And then there's the ones that aren't even paying attention:

Me (after ringing up their purchase): Would you like a bag?

Customer (fucking around on their cell phone): Yeah, sure.

Me: *gets a plastic bag to bag their stuff and starts putting it in the bag*

Customer: *looks up* Oh, no, I don't need a bag.

Me: ...

I'd just like to say, THANK YOU for making me bend down and grab a bag when you didn't want one in the first place. My bones are old, they creak and shiver and my knees are weak from too many years of stocking.

So when you ask me for a bag and don't want one, here's what I will do: Absolutely nothing at the moment.

But I will, however, wait until you come in next time. Because, yes, I will remember you.

I will wait until the day when you DO need a bag. And when you do, I will then take my tongue and slime-ily lick my fingers so that I can get a good hold on your bag. And I will keep doing this until you look up and notice.

You will have no choice but to notice that my spit will now be on your bag; the bag that you didn't want months ago.

So in conclusion: Pay attention when I ask you if you want a bag.