Taxi, Please!

Some people never learn their lesson.  Lately I've been ringing up people that buy tons of beer that leave the store in a taxi.

Why do they do this? Because they got their license taken away and can't drive for awhile! Yet they still continue to buy beer. Is it really that important that you have to waste $20-$30 on a taxi for a ride up to the convenience store???

I guess they are at least taking a taxi instead of driving their car anyways.

Thieves, Thieves Everywhere

So many thieves lately, so little time....If you've wondered where I've been, I've been busy trying to catch all these fucking assholes stealing from our store.

We used to have these signs all over our store that said things like "Smile, you're on camera!" or "If you steal you will be prosecuted", things like that. Over the years, as the signs would rip or become worn, we would just take them down and not replace them. Lately, we've had so much theft in the store it's unbelievable. It's pretty much everyday we would find an empty package of something, or a beer bottle taken out of a six pack. I never thought those signs did anything, but apparently they do.

Last week we had some asshole come in, he was in his 20s and went straight over to our energy drinks. Our stocker thought he saw him stick a drink in his pocket, so he went and told the cashier who then kept an eye on him. She watched him while he walked around the store. Eventually he came up to the register to buy a small ice cream sandwich. She asked him to empty his pockets, he did and had nothing on him. She ended up getting his license plate anyway.

When I came in the next morning, they had left me a note telling me about what happened and to see if I could look it up on camera. I did, and saw this guy shove a Monster energy drink down one of his many pants pockets. He then went over to our one blind spot in the store and started cramming packages of Oreos and Nutter Butters in his other pockets. He must have known he was being watched because he went up to buy the ice cream to probably distract them. When he went to go pay for his ice cream, he said he left his money in the car and went to go get it. That's probably when he unloaded all the goodies from his pants, so by the time he came back in and the cashier told him to empty his pockets, they really were empty.

But like I said, the cashier got his license plate anyways so I made the call to the police that next morning. We have some really good police officers in the city, but some of them just suck. They are lazy and obviously don't like filling out reports, and whenever I call about something, we always seem to get those types in. I even get interrogated by the dispatchers like I've done something wrong.

So when the cop came in to watch our video tape, he called in the license plate and was told the car was registered to a woman in a city about a half hour away. He then basically said he probably couldn't do anything about it and that MAYBE he could ask his boss if he could drive to that city and go knock on their door. I asked him to give me the address himself and he said no.

So, if you can't do the work and I offer to do it and you say no, then this thief gets away with it? How is that fair? Is it because he only stole about $8 worth of stuff?

Sadly this happens to us a lot. Many of the thieves never get punished because law enforcement just doesn't do anything sometimes. It pisses me off. This is why so many people steal.

Maybe I should start handing cartons of cigarettes to the thieves so that brings the total of the stolen merchandise up a little more? Would anyone care then?

About a week ago we plastered the store with those "Smile, you're on camera" signs again. Strangely we haven't noticed anyone stealing.

Asking for Directions

I hate when male customers ask me for directions. As soon as they spot another penis in the store they completely walk away from me and ask the other man for directions. This happens ALL the time:

Now Hiring, Now Firing!

I always hate when we have to put up the "Now Accepting Applications" sign because of the weirdos we get applying for jobs.

We have a section on there that asks if you've ever been convicted of a crime (or something like that, I can't remember the exact wording.)

People - it doesn't help you if you lie on your application.

I do background checks on potential people we might hire. I tend to favor the people more that are HONEST about what they've gotten in trouble with before.

However, when you answer "No" to the question of ever having been convicted of a crime and you're lying, then your application pretty much goes in the garbage.

Last week was a smorgasbord of different convictions. I found one guy who has weapons charges on his record. Another who was convicted for felony theft and yet another that had MULTIPLE drug convictions - some as recent as December!

I also found that a sex offender had applied as well. Aren't sex offenders convicted of a crime if they are labeled a sex offender? Did he write it down on his application? Of course not.

Look, I understand that people probably made mistakes or are too embarrassed to put down what they've been in trouble for. I understand that even criminals need to make a living too. (Not sure about sex offenders, though. We do have a lot of teens that come into the store.)

But when the application says in big bold letters A BACKGROUND CHECK MAY BE CONDUCTED, then maybe you want to tell the truth a little.

One applicant wrote that he was convicted of a dui, but that he's been sober for 9 months. Out of all of those other applications, he's the one we are going to interview because *gasp* he told the truth!

On another note, the bottom of our application says 'DO NOT CALL REGARDING THE STATUS OF YOUR APPLICATION'.

Yet, every other day, the guy I mentioned earlier with the weapons charges is calling us every day asking about his application. He's a mean fucker, too. I've tried to tell him we are just accepting applications and not hiring just yet, but he gets mean with me and gets an attitude. I'm afraid to tell him to go fuck himself because I don't want him bringing one of those weapons in my store and shooting the place up!

Marriage, Babies and Annoying Customers

Customers have been annoying the shit out of me lately. What else is new, right?

Well, I just recently celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary and ever since I got married people have been badgering me as to when I am going to have kids.

Lately it's been getting worse. Customers come in, look directly at my stomach and yell "Is there a baby in there yet?!?!?" or some other variation of that.

I even had one lady arguing with me about why I wasn't pregnant yet. I tried giving her every excuse in the book.

Bitch customer: So when are you gonna pop out some babies???

Me: When we can afford it.

Bitch customer: What's to afford? Don't you want any kids?

Me: Well we are waiting so we don't go bankrupt or into debt or anything.

Bitch customer: Why wait? You're running out of time, you know.

Me: Thanks for calling me old, but I'm not running out of time. We just got married, I'd like to enjoy that time together right now.

Bitch customer: Oh, you can have time later on with each other. Start poppin' those babies out!

What I wanted to do was put the focus on her since she was embarrassing me in front of other customers about something that's none of her business. Since she has no problem butting into my life, I wanted to talk about how her husband is a scumbag and filed divorce papers on her out of nowhere while she was out of town visiting her dying mother. And then he decided to change his mind and take her back. Why can't we talk about that instead of why I'm not having any children?

There's another customer that comes in every other day and asks if I'm pregnant yet. So I finally told her that when I do get pregnant, she will be the first person to know.

She's like, "Well, not the first, but maybe around the 5th person." Seriously? This is also the customer that got really pissed at me because I didn't invite her to my wedding. I'M JUST YOUR CASHIER LADY. YOU ARE JUST A CUSTOMER THAT BUYS TOO MUCH LOTTERY. GO AWAY.

It's getting frustrating and I'm running out of excuses.

Anyone got anything good I could use to get these people off my back?

Dateline This Sunday

Be sure to watch Dateline this Sunday.

They are doing a special on lottery tickets and getting scammed by your cashier.

See? I TOLD you there were shitty cashiers out there that will try and steal your money if you don't know how much your lottery ticket winnings are before you bring it into the store.

Chris Hansen rules.

Craigslist Missed Connections

I don't know if any of you ever go on Craigslist, but I always go on and read the 'Missed Connections' section.

What it's for is usually if you saw someone somewhere and you thought they were cute or something, then you go on Missed Connections and put up a post on there trying to find that person.

I've waited for six years for someone from my store to be mentioned.

And it finally happened.

One of the girls that work for us is a big flirt and she will always talk to customers and ALOT of guys ask her out (girls too, but that's another story).

Anyways, these people will ask for her phone number and she will sometimes give it out. She makes plans with these people and never follows through. She'll always give some kind of excuse as to why she never called them or why she never showed up for their 'date'. People come in all the time looking for her, and it's kind of funny because it gives me drama to watch.

So i was innocently reading the Craigslist Missed Connections the other day and came across a post with our store name and the name of the employee in it. Excitedly I clicked on it.

This was a few weeks ago and it has since been deleted, but it basically went on to say that she sucked and that she never called him after they talked all summer. It then included a picture of her at the bottom of the post.

Seeing this made my whole week. AND...a few weeks later, there was ANOTHER post, probably from the same person, STILL going on about how much she sucked and that she broke their heart.

After I told her about it and laughed at her, she has seemed to calm down with the customers because I don't think she wants to be talked bad about on the Internet.

Has anyone read Missed Connections before and found themselves on it?