Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Stand There and Wait

"Okay, your total is $3.54."

The customer hands me a wad of bills. "Put the rest in gas on pump #7," he says as he walks away.

This scenario happens a lot. A customer will want their change in gas. But the problem is that they are walking away before I can tell them what that total in gas will be.

I'm sure a lot of people add it up in their heads, but most of them just trust the cashier to set their gas pump for the correct amount.

There are also the customers wanting gas that hand me a wad of bills and walk away before I have a chance to count it all out to make sure it's all there.

Please don't do that.

It's bad enough that we have to uncrumple all of your bills. The least you can do is stand there until we count it all. What would you do if I set your gas pump for $2 less than you gave me? You couldn't prove it because all of the money is safely in the cash register after you leave the store. And I'd walk out of that store with 2 crisp dollars in my wallet.

Actually, if I did this to every person that does that to us every day, I'd probably leave the store with 20 crisp dollars in my pocket. Adult bookstore here I come!

But I am an honest cashier. Others aren't though. Please take the few extra seconds and wait there until the cashier verifies the amount you have given him/her. Do that or risk having your money pocketed.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Only One Register

I hate when lines build up at my register. There's just something about seeing 5 or 6 people waiting for me to ring them up that drives me crazy and I just have to get them in and out of the store.

It especially sucks when one of our registers break, which is what happened the other day.

We only have two registers and usually when I'm working by myself I use both of those registers to ring up customers simultaneously. I rely on being able to work quickly.

So when one of the registers decided it didn't want to work anymore, I seriously almost went crazy.

We had to revert back to the old days, when we had to stand there, one customer at a time, and wait for them to finish pulling money out of their pockets or purses. I never realized how easy it had been for me to walk over to the other register while ringing up one of these slow fucks and go ring up someone else.

I took our second register for granted, and it paid me back, big time.

Friday was the day from hell. When the register stopped working, I was with one of my older co-workers, who can sometimes be very slow and has a tendency to mess up when she gets nervous or forced to hurry.

All I could do was stand there and supervise, because as soon as the other register broke, she ran to the good one and guarded it with her life.

I don't even remember most of the morning because I think I blacked out a few times from the frustration of it all. It was as if customers were moving in slow motion that day, and the ones waiting in line were giving me the evilest looks they have ever given me.

Please note: If a cashier yells down the line of people waiting for you to 'Please have your money out and ready before you get to the register', then seriously, please have your money out BEFORE you get to the register. It saves us all time and prevents me from potentially slashing your tires later on.

Friday, August 27, 2010

I Miss All The Fun

I swear all the fun stuff happens when I'm not there.

Our night shift girl got 'assaulted' last night.

Apparently this drunk woman got dropped off at our store. She went up to the register and started yelling at the night shift girl, who we will call Callie.

She started yelling at Callie that she needed to make a phone call, and Callie told her to use the pay phone outside, which only made the drunk girl angrier.

So the drunk girl pulls out her cell phone and proceeds to go towards the back of the store and do some drunk dialing. At this time, Callie grabs one of our magazines from the magazine rack (against our rules) and leans over the counter, reading all about Sandra Bullock or Twilight, or whoever is on the cover this week.

Drunk girl comes back up to the register and continues yelling at Callie again. Callie ignores her and keeps reading, and then the drunk girl tries to rip the magazine away from Callie, but Callie holds on strong and pulls it towards her. While all this is happening, the poor magazine is getting ripped to shreds.

So Callie gets on the phone with the police, and drunk girl runs out of the store. It's funny how they are too drunk to understand anything, yet when you mention the cops they bolt out of the store.

I'm glad I wasn't working, because as soon as that bitch tried to grab the magazine out of my hands, I would have punched her in the face.

I guess the drunk girl ended up getting arrested, and Callie is going to press charges. What I'd like to know though, is who the hell is going to pay for the magazine??

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Things I Hate: Sales Reps

I have a cold. All day I was sneezing and my nose was running. I had no idea that that much snot could come out of a schnoz. It's so bad that it's dripping onto the floor before I can run to get a tissue. Don't worry though, it's dripping onto my floor at home, not at work. Although I wouldn't care if it was. I'd let it drip onto your purchase if I could.

My runny nose reminds me of how much I can't stand the sales reps that come in. They think I have nothing better to do than stand around and listen to them talk about the energy drinks or chewing gum specials that they have. I don't give a shit about this stuff and I know it's apparent on my face, yet they still go on and on.

My favorite is when a "newb" comes in. Those are the sales reps that probably started just that day, and are following our regular sales rep around. Our normal rep walks around all high and mighty because they have someone who will actually listen to them for a day. While I feel bad for the newbs, I hate them as well.

I seriously hate standing there listening to these people. When I see one come in, I try to run in the back room but sometimes I'm caught off guard. I try to tell them that I'm not a manager (even though I am), but they never let me get a word in. So I have to just stand there and take it. So after they finish, I tell them that they will have to wait for the boss to come in, and then they end up giving me like 10 business cards as different ways to get ahold of them like their product is the most important thing on the goddamn planet.

I wish my powers of snot worked in my favor today when one of them came in. They brought in a free sample of an energy drink, and I wish I could have let my nose drip all over it. I'm sure that would have got them out of the store.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Aren't You Afraid of Working?

I work a lot of night shifts and people always ask me the same question: "Aren't you scared working by yourself at night?"

I used to be. Not so much anymore though.

Of course I'll always be afraid that I'll get robbed or shot, but luckily the police frequent our area often, so that lowers the chances of would-be robbers coming in.

As for everything else though, I don't let shit bother me anymore.

I used to be paranoid when a group of punks or drunks would walk in. But now I just put on my 'night shift face' and handle any problems they throw at me. I also don't hesitate to call the cops if someone tries starting shit in the store. When people see your hand reaching down for the phone, they tend to get nervous and just leave.

The area my store is in is slowly becoming worse, and in about 10-15 years I probably won't want to work there anymore. All the old people in the community are dying or getting thrown in nursing homes, and the losers moving in are what this city is going to become. Our biggest seller will most likely be Swisher Cigarillos.

Ask me in 10-15 years if I'm afraid of working alone at night, and I'll say hell yes. But by then I'll probably be carrying a shotgun to work.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Changing the Gas Prices

We have one of those old gas price signs where we have to go outside with the long pole and change the gas price numbers that way.

A lot of stores these days have digital ones, but not us. We like to keep it old school.

However, the one thing I can't stand is when I go outside to change the price, and people bother me or yell shit at me along the way.

I've been called many names when raising the gas prices. People driving in their cars will yell profanities at me or flick me off if the gas was something like 239 and is raising to 299. Like them yelling at me will somehow cause me to say 'Oh, you're right, I shouldn't raise it. Thank you for swearing at me. Because of you, that made me realize that gas should be cheap."

Well people, I don't make the gas prices, I'm just doing as I'm told.

Even people in our parking lot will stop me along the way and ask if the price is going up or down. And if it's going up, they worry that they aren't getting it at the cheaper price because they "were in the parking lot before I started walking outside, so they should get the cheaper price". Don't have a fucking heart attack, I don't raise the price of gas until the sign outside says it first.

Raising the gas prices is one of the worst jobs for a cashier. No one should have to take that kind of abuse.

Although, anytime I lower the price, people act like my fucking best friend. The worst thing about that though is the customers that will storm in after I've lowered the price and tell me "I bought gas this morning and you lowered the price? I want a refund of the difference." Uhh, no.

It's okay, I remember every one of you that has cursed at me or given me the finger. You'll get yours one day.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Come On Already!

Well I survived night shift. No one really pissed me off. Some did, however, irritate me.

It's interesting to see how people pause when their credit card declines. I must have gotten a lot of broke people in last night.

I inform them with "Your card declined" and have to wait as they mentally start to wonder why it declined. They eventually pull out another card or use cash, but it's those 30 seconds when we're both standing there not saying anything that annoys me.

It's even worse when it happens on night shift because there are no other customers around, so I have to just stand there while they figure out in their head what the hell they bought that would make their card decline.

People, I don't have time for this. Even though I pretty much have nothing else to do, I do not want to stand there and wait. Waiting is the worst thing a cashier has to be subjected to.

I honestly would probably rather clean the bathroom (the employee bathroom, not the public one) instead of waiting for you to pull out another card. So let's move it along here. When I tell you your card declined, just say 'Oh, okay. Here's another one" and be done with it so you can get out of my face.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Night Shift

Why the fuck do people bitch and moan about needing more hours, and then call off their shift?

You stubbed your toe? Oh here, take a week off with pay then.

What's that? Your arm hurts and you can't come into work tonight? Why don't I break it so you can feel real pain?

Sometimes my coworkers are real assholes.

Working night shift tonight. Customers better watch out because I'm gonna be feisty.

Gonna go get some sleep.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Things I Hate: Loud Cooler Customers

I hate restocking the cooler. It's not so bad once I get used to the cold, but I have to get in my little zone in order to get it all done or else I get lazy and work slow.

One thing I really hate though, is when I'm stocking the cooler and a customer opens a cooler door and sees me in there. Then I hear:

"Hey you! Do you have any Molson Triple X back there?"

But to me, because of the loudness of the cooler, it sounds like "Hey neiow. Fod Fdsoi neme eeoe bryt ecow?"

If I don't answer, they just repeat their question all over again.

My point? Don't fucking open the cooler doors and yell shit to me. Go ask the cashier at the front counter if we have something.

However, that's not the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing is when a customer will actually come into the cooler with me and ask me his stupid question.

Who do some people think they are that they can walk into restricted areas?

When I'm in my zone, it kinda sucks to look up and see someone standing right in front of me inside the cooler. It gives my poor little cashier heart quite a scare. These idiots are lucky I don't carry a weapon with me.

So like I said, walk your ass up to the front counter and bother the cashier up there with your drinking problem. If I'm filling the cooler, I will always tell you that we're out of stock, because I'm too pissed off that you actually bothered me while I was working.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

If you think that giving us rolled change helps us out, it doesn't. No cashier (that I know of) likes to take rolled change. Why? Because we have to open it up and count it.

Back before I became the sarcastic and mean cashier that I am today, I was a pretty nice person. I know, I know. Hard to believe, but it's true.

I would happily accept coins rolled in wrappers just like they were bills. I never thought I had to look inside and count it all out.

That is, until the day I took a roll of dimes. I was naive when I saw the boss walk up to me the next day. I thought he was coming to give me a medal for my excellent customer service. Little did I know that I was about to get yelled at because the roll of dimes I took ended up only having 2 dimes in it; one on each end, and the rest was filled with pennies. So the roll I assumed had $5 worth of dimes in it, only had about 40 cents of change inside.

Since then, I cringe when I see people bring in rolled change. Some even get mad when I make them wait to count it out. I don't care though. About 75% of the time their rolls are short a quarter, or a dime, or whatever.

If you HAVE to bring in rolled coins to pay for your shit, don't bitch about it when we open them up and count them one by one. Once again, we are not a bank.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I Can Only Dream

The best days I have at work are when the lottery machine is down.

I love telling the gamblers that they can't get their tickets. I love seeing the lost look in their eyes as they try and figure out where else they can go to get their Pick 3 and Pick 4 numbers.

It's so nice and peaceful when the lottery machine doesn't work.

The real customers get in and out so much faster when there aren't lottery players around.

If only I could live in a world without lottery, my job would be a very pleasant one. That is, until someone pukes, shits, steals, yells at me or breaks something. Then it'd just be a regular crappy day.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Please Watch Where You Puke

Yesterday some asshole puked on the ground...next to the garbage can. Sadly this happens all the time.

Did they not want to mess up the garbage in the can with their puke?

This bothers me every time it happens because I just don't understand why. Can someone explain to me why you would puke NEXT to the garbage can instead of IN it?

Do we shit next to the toilet instead of in it? No. Well, most of us don't anyway.

It would have been so easy to just tie up the garbage can with the fresh puke in it and take it to the dumpster. But no, I had to take out the binoculars, confirm from inside the store that it was puke, and con one of my co-workers into hosing it down.

The funny part was that I got to watch my co-worker clean it up without trying to puke herself.

We made a deal though, I had to ring up the next 10 customers that she can't stand. Fine by me, I'll do anything to avoid vomit.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

We Sell Cars, Too!

We sometimes let our regular customers set cars outside in our parking lot to sell. We're on a busy intersection, so people get lots of calls on their cars when they sell them at our place.

I walked in to work last night and a customer inquired about a car that is currently sitting outside for sale.

Customer: How much is that car outside?

Me: I don't know, I just got here and haven't seen it until now.

Customer: Is anyone here that knows about the car?

Me: No, it's 10pm, no one is here that could help you.

Customer: So, you just let people park their cars to sell and don't know anything about them?

Me (getting pissed): There should be a phone number on the car, why don't you call it and ask?

Customer: Still, you guys should know something about it.

Me: It's not my car. Call the person that is selling it, they'll help you.

At this point I walk away because he's being an idiot. It's not my car, it's not anyone that works here's car, so I don't know why this guy was being such a fuckface.

How hard is it to call a freaking number listed on the car? Why do people think they will get all this information at 10 o'clock at night? Come back during normal hours, asshole.

I think he was trying to bully me just because he had no one else to pick on.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Does That Answer Your Question?

One of my readers, Steve G., posted an interesting comment the other day. He said:

"I must cop to often using gas stations as trash disposals. Anytime my car gets loaded up with newspapers and what not, I fill up a grocery bag and chuck it in their trashes, as opposed to using my home trash. Am I a bad person?"

Steve G., you suck. We always give the evil eye to those customers that empty their whole life into our garbage cans. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you only threw a tiny grocery bag away.

We usually get the people that fill up those Hefty trash bags and try to throw them away in our trash cans. I've seen people go as far as shoving them down as hard as they can into the cans so that they fit.

I'm waiting for someone to actually step into the garbage can to stomp down on their trash to make it fit.

If the trash cans are full (and they usually are on my shift because I don't do trash), people will leave their garbage on the ground next to the can.

One time I saw a girl cleaning out her car and setting a bunch of empty 6-packs of beer on the ground. She then came into the store to buy more beer and I told her to go pick those up and throw them in the garbage can. She gave me the evil drunk sneer, but did as she was told.

So, Steve G., you may not be a horrible person, but you will probably earn a crushed Twinkie the next time you buy one from your local cashier.

Until then, this landfill of smelly trash is just for you. Try shoving this in a garbage can.

Have a great day!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Thank God It's Over

FINALLY! The carnival is over with for this year.

It was a horrible weekend. I had to go home a few times because I got so stressed out. Who stressed me out?


I swear if I ever have kids, I'm going to keep them as a baby, send them off to relatives between ages 12-25, and then have them come back as an adult.

We hire a police officer for this event, and I couldn't believe the way these kids were mouthing off to him.

He would only let 2 of them in the store at a time, and they would get angry looks on their pimply teenage faces and ask him why more of them couldn't come into the store.

I'm sorry, but if a cop told me to do something, I would shut up and do it.

I also couldn't believe the way some of these girls were dressed. It was hooker central this weekend at the church carnival. These parents HAVE to know what their kids look like when they leave the house. The hair on these teenage girls was atrocious. Is the ratty-fried-with-a-straightener-hairspray look coming back in style again?

The best part of the weekend was when this guy got arrested. Apparently he pulled into the parking lot, parked his car to block everyone in, and got out and started walking around in circles. The cop thought it was suspicious, so he ran his plates and found out the guy had a felony warrant for breaking and entering.

What an idiot to come to a carnival and act like a douchebag so you get caught. It's always fun to see someone get handcuffed though.

As usual we caught people stealing (with a cop in the store!) and also found products on the shelves that people half drank/ate and then set back down. (Who takes a sip of water and then puts it back in the cooler?)

Hopefully by this time next year I will have won the lottery so I can buy out the carnival and shut it down immediately.

At least life can get back to the normal shitty customers.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Come One, Come All to the Carnival

The carnival started yesterday. As usual, the shitty teens and tweens decided to grace us with their presence.

We only let 2 kids in the store at a time. Why? It just gets too hard to watch all of them and most of them tend to linger around in the store when they are with their group.

It's funny how these little shits get all offended when we only let 2 of them in at a time. There ARE some good kids that don't give us a problem, but the majority of them are assholes.

I used to watch and yell at the kids myself, but I couldn't take it anymore, so we decided to hire policemen to watch the place.

These kids just mouth off to the policemen, too.

They must know that they can't get arrested for being shits.

Some kid with an afro was a real jerk yesterday. He was bouncing this big ball throughout the store, taking his time, and kept staring at me. I wanted to grab that ball and throw it as hard as I could at his face. Just because he had an afro. I think he wanted to steal, but I couldn't take my eyes off his out of control hair, so he saw that I was watching him.

I hope the rest of the weekend goes by uneventful. I'm working every night during the carnival just to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Some of these kids and their crappy attitudes makes me never want to have kids myself.

Let's hope I don't end up in jail for getting into a fight with one of the mouthy kid's parents. If I do, I'll leave an address for you to write to me. Please send cake. With a file in it. I don't want to become someone's girlfriend.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Hiding the Energy Drinks from Mom

We get mothers coming in all the time that are regular customers. The thing that pisses me off is when they tell us to not sell their kids energy drinks if they happen to come into the store by themselves.

Watch your own fucking kids, people.

It's not our job to make sure little Johnny only buys the pre-approved beverages that you want him to.

If he wants an energy drink and has the money for it, then he's getting an energy drink. Two if he can afford it.

I don't care if he's bouncing off the walls later on in the day. It's not my problem. If you want to limit what he can have, then come with him to the store. I am not his caretaker, you are.

The next time someone comes in and tells me what to do regarding their kid, I'm going to give the kid free energy drinks just because I can.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You Want To Wash What?

As I've explained before, I rarely let anyone use the bathroom. This is one of the reasons why.

A woman came in the other day and wanted to use the bathroom to wash out her bunny's cage.

That's right, her bunny's HUGE cage that he lives and poops in.

I told her no, of course, and she just kind of stood there holding this massive plastic cage with a wire top.

It makes me wonder how the hell she was going to wash it in there. There is no utility sink or anything else big enough to hose that thing down.

Knowing our luck with people and the bathroom, she was probably going to shove all that hay and bedding down the toilet until it clogged. And then proceed to take a piss or shit on top of that.

I figured she lived out of town or something and that she was hoping to make a stop to clean out the cage, but I asked her where she was from and she said she lived in the next town over. Seriously?

So I told her to check with the gas station across the street and they might have a bathroom she could use to clean out her rabbit's cage.

Hey, I had to. They're our competition!

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