Saturday, February 27, 2010

Isn't it Take a Penny, Leave a Penny?

We have one of those penny trays in our store, just like every other convenience store in the world.

Some days we have tons of pennies in there, and some days there are hardly any.

There are times when people are a penny short and need to take one from the tray. There are times when people are even a few pennies short and need to take a couple. These people I don't mind.

It's the people that take all the pennies from the tray and throw them in their purse or pocket.

We have a few customers that only come in to do this. I've learned to keep an eye out for them and when I see them walking in the store, I quickly empty the trays of pennies.

I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does.

Usually when I see this happen though, I tell them to put the pennies back. They know they did wrong, so they immediately put them back. I'm waiting for one of them to tell me to go f*** off, but no one ever has.

Has anyone out there ever taken pennies from the tray and threw them in your pocket? If you have, can you please explain why? Help me understand why people do this! It's 'take a penny, leave a penny'! Not 'take all pennies and shove them down your pocket and walk away like nothing's wrong'!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Tattling Customers

Customers are the best narcs on the planet. I love them sometimes. Whenever anyone is trying to rip us off, customers are there to see it and run up to us and tell us.

While many customers do this out of the goodness of their hearts, there are some that expect to be rewarded for their tattling. They want something like free cigarettes or even free gas for telling on another customer. I think that's bullshit. They are doing a good deed, they should be rewarded with a simple thank you. And really, that's all they usually get.

One time I had to yell at a regular customer because her husband decided to steal some food from the store. Now, if it was something like bread, milk or eggs, I would have let it go, but he was seen on camera opening packages of Doritos and eating from the the bag. We didn't get a chance to confront him because we didn't notice it until later, when we discovered two opened bags of Doritos around the store. So naturally we looked it up on tape and saw that this clown did it.

When I confronted the wife about it, she started crying. She is known as being a drama queen and currently has numerous lawsuits on all of her neighbors. Anyways, she started making a big deal out of this and ultimately ended up slapping her husband in the face in front of a bunch of people. Needless to say, the husband isn't allowed in the store anymore and I closely watch the wife whenever she is in the store. But I think she knows now that she wouldn't be able to get away with anything because of her husband.

But back to customers, we'll usually have a regular come up to us and whisper that they think the person in the back is stealing something. So that's when my favorite part of the job comes in to play. The part where I get to yell at someone and accuse them of stealing.

Some employees don't like to accuse anyone, but me? I don't care. I don't care how old you are, what color you are or how dumb you are. If you look guilty, you are going to get yelled at by me until I feel sufficient enough that you didn't steal from my store.

One time I was working night shift. This group of girls came in, three to be exact, and naturally headed for the back of the store, towards the beer. One of the girls was a regular, so I didn't really pay attention to them. They ended up going in and out of the store, not finding what they wanted. So I was ringing up a customer and happened to look on our camera that shows the back of the store. I saw one of the girls (she was by herself), trying to hide something in her pants. So I told the customer I was ringing up to hold on and I raced to the back of the store to confront her.

I asked her if she took anything and she said no. So I asked her what she put in her pants, and she stated it was 'just a drink'. So I made her take it out of her sweatpants and as I'm standing there, she pulls out a 40 oz bottle of Miller High Life from in between her legs. Without thinking, I grabbed it and escorted her to the door, taking note of the license plate of the car that she was in.

So later on, the car comes back into the parking lot and here I am, ready to call the cops because I think I'm going to have a situation. Well in comes the regular customer that was with the thief. She's by herself and almost crying, begging me not to call the cops with her license plate. She said that she didn't really know the girl that stole, she was a friend of a friend. So I scared her a little by saying I still may call the cops, but to never let that girl in the store again or she was going to get arrested.

All in a day's work, right?

What I didn't think about until later was the fact that I had touched that bottle of beer that had been in that girl's crotch. And I put it right back on the shelf. Hmm, I wonder if someone's beer tasted a little funny that night.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Yes, I'm Talking About Puke

I don’t know why, but many people take it upon themselves to puke in various parts inside and outside of the store.

One time, it was early morning, and I was walking around the inside of the store, minding my own business, when I came across a substance on the floor. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it didn’t look good. It was on the floor right next to our snacks. So I ran and got my co-worker and she confirmed what I thought it was: puke.

I ran before I added a pile of puke of my own to it, but once I got over the fact that someone actually puked in our store, I got pissed. So I decided to look it up on tape.

You have to understand something. We have a state-of-the-art security system, and anytime someone does ANYTHING, we look it up on camera. Yes, we are that obsessive about things and yes, we do confront people when they’ve done something.

So I decide to look up when this mysterious substance appeared. It was only 7am when I found it, so I assumed it happened on night shift and the girl working didn’t realize it.

Long story short, it happened as soon as I came on my shift. It was a regular customer, too. He came in, went over to the cooler to get a pop, grabbed his pop, then bent down and puked on the floor, then went up to the register to pay for his pop. Never said a word, nothing.

So the next day, he comes in and my co-worker decided she wanted to say something. So she rings him up for his pop and ask him if he’s feeling okay. He looks at her, confused and says he feels fine. She says that she’s asking because she saw what he did on the floor yesterday. He doesn’t say a word, pays for his pop, leaves and we never see him in the store again.

It’s customers like these that I could really care less about losing. We are cleaning up your puke! At least TELL US that you did it so we don’t have a lawsuit on our hands when a customer ends up slipping on it.

There was another time that I was ringing up at the register, and had numerous customers tell me that there was something over by pump #6. I was afraid to go out there, so I tried looking at it through our binoculars but couldn’t see anything. My coworker ended up going out there and came back in, confirming it was puke. She hosed it down while I went to look on the camera to see who did it.

It ended up being this woman that I had rung up earlier. She ended up paying for her purchase and walked out to her car. She set her coffee cup on the top of her car so she could unlock the door. After she grabbed her cup and got settled in her car, she opened the door back up, puked on the ground, then closed her door and took off. The parking lot was full of customers getting gas when she did this, so I’m sure someone saw her.

We didn’t see her for a long time, but now she’s coming back in. I was all ready to say something to her the day after it happened, but since she didn’t come back in for awhile, too much time has passed. She now comes in everyday and probably doesn’t suspect that we know she did it. She’s a nice enough woman, but I don’t like what she did. None of us should ever have to clean up someone else’s puke.

My first job was working at a drug store, and one time a pregnant lady came in with her 6 year old kid. My back was to them because I was stocking stuff on the wall, but all I heard was this:

Mom: Jimmy, are you okay?

Jimmy: Noooo. (sound of puking)

I happened to look over (I was na├»ve then) and the woman saw me and asked me to go get her husband from the car to clean it up. She told me that she’d throw up if she cleaned it up. So I proceeded to walk outside and find the description of the car she gave me and told this guy that his son threw up all over the store. He immediately ran in and cleaned the mess up. THAT’S how people should be. Those were some cool puke-cleaning people.

Unlike the ones we get in the store that don’t say a word. I know what you did, lady! If I ever see you puking again, you can be sure I’m going to say something the next time I see you in the store.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Winter Wonderland

I hate wintertime at the store. Not because of the cold weather, or wet shoes, or crappy snow. No, I hate wintertime at the store because of the people that come in with snot running down their nose.

I don't understand why you wouldn't feel your nose running. Maybe it's so cold outside that your face has gone numb?

We had a guy come in today, and he's usually guilty of having his nose run all the time. I saw that my coworker wasn't really looking at him, which was proof enough that snot was involved.

I knew I should have looked away, but then he turned his head so I saw his profile.

I saw a river of snot running out of his schnoz. In the brief second I looked, it was like a volcano erupted from his nose with yellow lava pouring out.

Naturally, I started gagging. Which made my coworker gag too. I was glad she was ringing him up and I was far enough away.

I ended up staring at the floor until he left because I would have continued to dry heave if I saw it ooze out of his nose even more.

Let's hope he didn't drip any onto the coffee counter.

Unfortunately he is not the only one that is guilty of this. Plenty of people come in with their noses running, and while I usually have no choice but to ring them up, I don't think I deserve it when I see their snot drip onto the counter.

This is why I wish it were summer all the time. I'd rather deal with sweaty armpits and B.O. than runny noses.

Ugh, thinking about it makes me want to gag all over again.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Giving Back a Little Piece of Me

Working today reminded me of another thing that people do.

When giving change back to a customer, I always hold it out and wait for them to take it from my hand. I will not, however, stand there holding out your change while you take 20 minutes to put everything away before taking your change.

If you see my hand out waiting to give you your change, take it. Right away.

Yes, I know it's good exercise for me to hold my arm steady, but I'm at work. I don't want to exercise.

Take today for example. This man comes in, I ring him up. His total was $1.09 and he hands me $2.00. His change is 91 cents. Simple. So I get his change and hold it out to him. Well he looks up, sees me holding it, yet decides to instead zip up every pocket in his 20-pocket jacket.

1. Who needs that many pockets?

2. Why didn't he just take the change when he saw it??

So, in my impatienceness (yes, i know that's not a word.) I set his change down on the counter. Why? Because 10 seconds is 9 seconds too long to be holding it.

And this action earned me a dirty look from him.

But before you think I'm the crappiest person on the planet, I really don't mind holding out change for someone that doesn't notice that I'm doing it. Like if they are screwing around in their purse and haven't looked up yet to realize that I am trying to complete their purchase. Those people don't bother me.

It's the ones that KNOW I am waiting there, SEE me holding change, yet IGNORE me until they are done.

Sometimes I wish I could just keep all this change that I have to wait to give back. A new rule could be that if they make me wait 20 seconds or more, then I get to keep it. I'd be a freaking millionaire!

So please, if you ever see a cashier handing back your change, take it. Quickly. Please. Don't make us angry. We may rebel one day.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Slip and Slide

Now, I know I shouldn't laugh, but sometimes it's funny when people come into my store and slip. It's funny to watch their legs each go different ways. And it's even better when they catch their balance and quickly look around to see if anyone saw them almost do the splits on the floor.

But when someone falls, that's not as funny. Slipping and sliding on the floor isn't as painful as falling on your ass.

A few months ago this lady came in, headed up to the register and fell. On her ass. People rushed over to help her, she got up, made her purchase and then left.

A few hours later she came back in a neck brace. Oh, and she was walking with a cane. She wanted to talk to the manager about her recent 'fall'. She was going to sue us because we didn't properly keep the floor dry. (even though there were signs all over the place, even in Spanish! to watch your step.)

So a few days after, her insurance agency is contacting us, wanting a video of the accident, etc. We copy everything and hand it over. She clearly fell on tape, but when I saw it the whole thing looked kind of shady.

But anyways, about a week later one of our other employees was at another store and happened to be standing in line at this other store. She saw this lady waiting in line in front of her. The only difference was....she wasn't wearing a neck brace and wasn't walking with a cane.

So naturally we tried to obtain video footage of this to turn it over to the insurance company. In the meantime, this woman still came into our store wearing her neck brace.

I swear it reminded me of that Brady Bunch episode where Mike was in court and dropped his briefcase and the person suing them in the neck brace turned around, thus proving that he was faking it the whole time and the day was saved in less than 30 minutes.

After awhile we figured the insurance company had figured out this woman was a fraud, and we soon forgot about her. Fast forward a few weeks later and this woman is back.

Not with a neck brace. Not with a cane.

She is back with a check in her hand from the insurance company and wants us to cash it for her.

She said it was our fault she fell, so we should cash the check. Of course we told her to get the $#%@ out of our store.

Really, Lady? You really have the balls to come back to us wanting to cash a check for something you lied about?

We also had looked her up online, and saw that she had multiple lawsuits against other businesses.

Thankfully I wasn't around during this whole thing, or I would have really made her neck hurt.

And this is why people try to scam insurance companies...because they get away with it. What pisses me off is that we had proof that she faked it, sent a video to the insurance company, and they STILL paid her.

Where's the Brady Bunch when you need them??

Saturday, February 20, 2010


Today was one of those days. It started out with my first customer of the morning, who took 10 minutes to give me 99 cents for his coffee. He pretty much had to sift through all of the lint in his pocket before he could find suitable change to give me.

That's when I knew it would be one of those days.

And it was. Every customer after that either took forever to pay me, took forever to decide what lottery tickets they wanted, or talked on their cell phone while up at my counter.

I told a few customers to hurry up, but they were regulars, so they knew I was half kidding.

Sometimes working weekends are nice, because most of the time people don't get up until noon or later on Saturdays.

But you always get the old people that are in the store right at 6am ready to get their $1 lottery ticket or 75 cent newspaper.

Some of these customers have even come out in horrible blizzard snow storms in order to get their lottery tickets. I blame them for all the accidents that happen, because if they weren't on the road on their way to spend $1, then that would be one less car on the road that could potentially cause an accident.

Sometimes people just need to stay home.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Underage Morons

The best part of my job involves the idiots that come in trying to buy beer or cigarettes when they aren't old enough. It's funny how they come in to the store all hopeful but then once they are done dealing with me they don't find the situation funny anymore.

We get these probably once a week, sometimes more on the weekend.

First, I'd like to talk about the ones that come in and ARE old enough, but don't have their ID. How the hell am I supposed to know that you turned 18 a few days ago? Just because YOU know you're 18 doesn't mean you shouldn't bring your ID in anymore. And then you have the nerve to get bitchy with ME because I'm carding you.

Listen you moron, I'm just doing my job. I don't give a shit whether you leave the store with or without your cigarettes or beer. It doesn't benefit me either way if you get to smoke or drink. I've heard all the comments before, you are not telling me anything new. So while you get all huffy and puffy about not being able to buy something without an ID, you are making yourself look pretty damn stupid.

One time, I had a girl come in to buy cigarettes. She handed me her ID, and the picture was that of a different customer that always comes into the store. So I told her I couldn't sell them to her, and she proceeds to argue with me. I was positive that this wasn't her in the ID, so I just told her no and she cussed me out on her way out the door. But she was cussing me out WITHOUT her precious cigarettes. Hah!

Another time I refused to sell this punk some cigarettes, so he got back in his car, pulled over to where my window was, waited until I looked, and then proceeded to flick me off and peel away. He actually peeled away in his car. Like I was supposed to be all scared that he was some badass. 'Oh my god, his tires squealed! Damn, I should have sold him those cigarettes.” Please. Just go back to your mommy and keep stealing the smokes from her purse.

It's funny how the people that buy beer don't even get as mad as the cigarette brats. Probably because everything knows you will be carded for beer, but cigarettes aren't that big of a deal. Bullshit they aren't. One of the people that used to work with me got busted for selling cigarettes to minors. She carded them and everything like she was supposed to, but apparently they faked the IDs. And unluckily for her, there just happened to be two agents outside that were sitting in their car trying to catch underage sales. That employee ended up being fined $1000, so yeah, that's why I don't care if you get your beer or cigarettes.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

People I Went to School With

I remember one time a kid I went to school with came into the store. Well, he was a dork in school and here he was walking in all high and mighty in his business suit. I could tell he recognized me, but saw that I was working at a gas station and didn't want to associate with me.

At this time, we had our snuff products sort of behind the counter, which meant that people weren't really allowed to go back there. Well this big popular guy decides to reach his long arms and body back behind the register in order to grab his snuff. So naturally, I say something to him because no one is allowed to go back there, but him being Mr. Cool now didn't say one word to me. I had to ring him up with him ignoring me the whole time even though I know he recognized me. What an asshole.

I hate when I see people I went to high school with. I have my reasons for working at a gas station, and it's no one's business but my own. But when I see people I used to know, that don't know I'm working there, I can see them try to recognize me and at first they can't. But then I see the recognition in their eyes and it's clear that they know they went to school with me, while they're wearing their business suits or nurses scrubs. And here I am, in my crappy clothes and working at my crappy job, right?.

I've given up on asking them if we went to high school together, because usually they hardly respond, as if I'm some low lifeform that isn't worth the time to have a conversation with. Or they think that if they talk to me, they might catch the gas station bug and become a loser like me.

Here's a piece of advice if you want to be considered a nice person. Never be embarrassed to talk to someone you used to know, no matter what they are doing with their lives now. Unless they are chopping up a dead body or selling themselves for money. But really, that person that you now think is a loser is probably just as embarrassed to see you at their crappy job, so don't make it any harder on them.

As for me, I still get angry when this happens to me. I don't care that I'm working at a gas station, I get upset at the responses I get to it. Just leave me alone, people. And get out of my face.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

No Good Mornings for You

There are a few things I don't say to people in the morning, mainly because I can't stand the typical response everyone gives.

The first? "Good Morning"

No, I will not add the 'Good' to the 'Morning' because I will typically get a response like this:

Me: Good Morning Sir (or Ma'am).

Customer: What's so good about it?

Since just about every crabby person in the morning says this, I have decided to eliminate the 'Good' from my greeting.

However, I still get the same response but this time I can respond back.

Me: Morning.

Customer: What's so good about it?

Me: I didn't say GOOD morning.

Customer: Oh.

Yes, I always get an 'Oh' from the customers. Sometimes they will smile sheepishly and other times they will ignore me. But it makes me feel a little better that I called them out on it.

Another greeting I won't use: 'Hi.'

Why? Because this will get me a response of 'I wish I was. (hardy har har)'

Yes, these people wish they were high. This annoys the hell out of me because I hear this several times a day, and each time a person says it, they think they are the original genius that came up with it.


Sometimes I wish a cop were around just so they could hear them say that. I doubt there was anything they could do, but still. Actually, I wish there was a cop around for many things people do.

Maybe one day in cashier heaven I will get my wish.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Coffee People

"This coffee tastes like crap," is what I heard when I walked in this morning.

Apparently mixing 4 different flavors of cappuccino plus coffee makes it taste like shit. Who knew?

It's not enough that I had to hear that first thing in the morning. But when the woman directs it at me, what am I supposed to do?

Cookies & Cream + French Vanilla + Hot Chocolate + Double Mocha + Coffee = EWWWWWWW

Since this woman decided she didn't like this concoction from hell, she wanted to pour it out and get another cup of coffee. Plain. Like it should have been in the first place.

So I told her that she had to pay for both. She gets mad and starts arguing with me that she shouldn't have to pay for another one.

How on this Earth is anything about this situation my fault? Some people don't realize that a gas station isn't a free tasting store. You can just open up a Twinkie, take a bite, then decide you don't want it. The same goes with coffee.

If you are moron enough to try that many different flavors and then throw it all away while demanding you get another cup for free, then you need to get out of my face. But pay for your coffee first, THEN get out.

I swear, it's always the first customer of the day that manages to set the mood for the rest of the day.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Little Things I Do To Get My Revenge

Sometimes there are little things, known only to me, and now to you, that I do to get my revenge on people that annoy me. Let's say you come in and manage to irritate me. A few things might happen to you.

1. If you are buying any sort of cake, such as a Hostess or Little Debbie snack cake, I will most likely crush it a little as I'm putting it in your bag. Same goes with cigarettes. I will try to smash them a little as I set them down on the counter. Anything that is even remotely squeezable will be squeezed if you say or do something to annoy me.

2. I may also give out the crappiest money I have in my register to you. Dollar bills that are torn or have mysterious stains on them will find their way into your hand. Even sticky coins or Canadian currency may fall into your pocket when I'm giving you your change back. And what do I do to ensure that you won't look down to see what kind of crap I'm handing back to you? I make sure to say something cute or funny so that you will be paying attention to me and not what I'm handing back to you.

Now I don't do this to everyone. Just to the people that piss me off. And that usually includes:

a. People that take too long to get change out of their purse or pockets. I wish I could just yell out at random to people in line that they should have their money ready when they come to the register. I (and I'm sure the people behind you too) don't want to wait twenty minutes for you to find your change. Have it ready, and get the hell out of my store.

b. Everyone makes mistakes, right? Well, I make mistakes many times mostly because I'm tired or if something else is on my mind. But I don't want these mistakes pointed out to me, because I always catch them on my own and fix it right away. If you see on the register that the total for your candy bar comes to $45.11, don't look at me and go 'Woah! Um, I don't think so!” in that bullshit attitude of yours. Because you know what? If I wanted to charge you $45 for a candy bar, I could. You just wouldn't pay it. But my point is, unless I'm standing there waiting for my $45 payment from you for your Mr. Goodbar fun size snack bar, leave me alone when you see me trying to correct my mistake. Don't stand there and point it out even more to me, because you will most likely receive one of the crappy items that I listed above.

c. Don't yell out a question to me from 50 feet away when I'm ringing up another customer. You are not the most important person in the store. I don't care if you are on fire, at least have the courtesy to wait your turn before you yell out to me. Asking 'Where is your coffee?' isn't going to get my attention when I'm with someone else and that coffee is staring at you right in the face. I really hate when people do that. What makes you so important that you can yell out in a crowded place and expect to get a response? They must do it other places and get treated like royalty, but not at my store. If someone does that while I'm there, they get ignored. They will get ignored the whole time unless they come up to the register and wait their turn patiently in line.

d. Your kids run around too much. Listen parents, a convenience store is not the place to let your kids run wild while you do some 'quick' shopping. Sure, some kids are very adorable, and I'm not talking about those types of kids because most of the time they are shy and quiet. I'm talking about the kids that run everywhere, pick up everything and want to wipe their snot or sneeze on the products in my store. And what's worse, if the parent isn't completely ignoring them, they are yelling at them so loud that it hurts my ears. I hate when loud people hurt my ears. It's much different than an ordinary loud sound. A loud voice yelling at a kid pierces through my brain because it's that bad. People. Take control of your unruly children in the store. Pretend you are at your in-laws house and that all of you have to be on your best behavior. Sometimes I think that some of these parents need to grow up more than their kids do.

e. You insult me or my coworkers. That goes without saying. If you make fun of us or piss us off, something will happen to your stuff. You may not realize it, but I will know what I did and that makes me feel ten times better. So screw you. And go pick on someone your own size.

Believe me, I know that people have bad days. I've had a lot of them myself. But I don't generally take it out on people I don't know and that don't deserve it. So why do it to a cashier? We're here every day to serve you, we don't get tipped like others do, yet we still have to deal with crappy people. Ever heard the saying 'I don't get paid enough for this?' Well, it's true in my line of work. There are some mean people out there that need to vent their frustrations everywhere. But, if that means that some asshole yells at me instead of going home and beating his wife or kids, then fine. Yell away, please.

Friday, February 12, 2010


I don't know why people feel the need to steal gas. If you need to drive that badly, get a job. If you can't find a job, then you shouldn't own a car or be driving. It's that simple. What? You still need to be able to drive your kids around? Hmm, maybe you shouldn't have any kids since you can't afford to pay for your own gas.

We used to have tons of drive-offs back in the day. This was before the whole 'pay before you pump' mantra was invented. Even today, people still get pissed off that they have to pay the cashier inside first before they pump their gas.

One time, I turned the pump on for this guy early on a Sunday morning, around 7am. I figured no one would steal on a Sunday in the morning, too easy to get caught. Well, after awhile, the register binged to let me know the person was done pumping. I look up and see the guy pumping jump into the passenger window just as the car starts to speed off. And with the direction they took to drive off, it was on an angle where I couldn't see their license plate. All I could do was stare and watch as these assholes drove away taking $30.00 in gas. I was so pissed that I didn't sleep that night.

So now, we have rules for turning on the pumps. You have to be a regular customer and if you aren't, you sure as hell better be old and wrinkly enough for me to feel bad and turn the pump on.

If you don't have a front license plate, then you're screwed. If you are wearing a hood and I can't see your face, then pay inside.

The worst is when they take advantage of our mistakes. One time we had a customer come in and give us $10 for gas. We turned on the pump without presetting it. By the time we realized what had happened, he had driven off pumping over $40 in gas. Never came in, never said a word. Just took that good fortune and ran with it.

Yeah, everyone thinks it's a big corporation and they can write it off or something. But you are forgetting that many owners are independent and pay for the use of a big gas name company. So really, you are stealing from the little guy.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Calling the Cops

I don't usually hesitate to call the cops on people. Most of the time, when you say you're going to call the cops, they just look at you and stand there. But once you pick up the phone, dial, and start speaking to a dispatcher, that's when a majority of them run. And why are they running? Probably because they did something bad, or were about to.

But I don't know why you guys run, the cops always catch up to you. For instance, I came in one morning, only to have this weirdo kid standing up at the register talking to the night shift girl. He kept asking to use the phone or something like that. When he walked away I asked her what that was about, and she said he's been in and out of the store all night for hours, wanting to use the phone. Normally I would chalk this up to him not having a phone and needing a ride, but moments before I had seen him talking on his cell phone.

So he makes the mistake of coming back in when I'm there. He's going on about how he needs to use the phone, so I tell him he has to leave or I will call the cops. He's like 'Go ahead, I need to make a phone call.” So I did.

I got on the phone, called the police, and started describing him to them. As soon as I mentioned that I thought he was on drugs, he bolted out the front door. We watched as he ran past our windows heading towards the church next door.

Soon after, the night shift girl prepared to walk home. She called me when she got home and said they arrested the kid down the block a little. Apparently he was on methamphetamines or something.

So yeah, while some think I was hard on him for calling the cops just because he wanted to use the phone, it wasn't just that. I could tell he was on something, and who knows, he could have pulled a knife or gun on me in his drug-induced state.

A few hours later, we watched the video surveillance of when he came in, and he was there for about four hours at the store. Three of it was spend on the ground, in the grass outside, talking on his cell phone and swinging his legs around. No wonder he needed to use the phone, his was out of juice!

While these types of freaks aren't all that scary, the ones that ARE scary are really scary. As in, what are they going to do to me scary. Those types of people usually stumble in around 2 or 3 in the morning and look at you like they want to kill you. They bring up their purchase, and then don't say a word to you. While most of the time I would consider this rude of a customer to do, it's actually fine by me even though it scares the hell out of me. I don't want to make them angry in any way, but if they do try to start some shit, I will be on the phone with the police in a second.

It's normal for a convenience store to have some type of protection, namely a gun or some sort of pepper spray. And don't be surprised if a cashier uses it. We're here to work and get paid our daily wages, not to be robbed or beaten.

I sometimes think its a requirement to be a freak before entering a convenience store at night. I mean, we get our share of weirdos during the day too, but almost all of the ones are night are strange. I guess there really is something to be said about needing the sunshine to be happy.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Different Shifts

My favorite time of the day is usually the morning shift. Actually, it's the morning and evening shift. In the early morning, we get the customers that are just waking up in the morning and need their coffee. Most of the time, they are too out of it to be mean and they just want to get their stuff and go to work. That's what I like. The ones that are in and out.

It's pretty much the same way with the early evening customers too. They are usually the ones that are there in the morning too, and they are stopping in again on their way home from work. Those people just want to get their stuff and get home.

While I tend to like most of the morning crowd, it's usually the ones near the end of that shift that manage to piss me off. It's 11am and they should be at work by now, but instead they are getting their coffee and spilling it all over the place. Take today for instance. I had this guy come in with his kid. He barely spoke English, but you could tell he was the type to boss his wife around and drink alot. Anyways, he came in to get coffee, but I don't think that's what he wanted in the first place. It was just the fact that he happened to see me cleaning the coffee area that made him decide that he had to have coffee right then and there. So he kind of moves in front of me, apologizing while pushing me out of the way. So I stand off to the side and wait for him to finish. Soon after, I hear a cuss word and realize he is standing there holding his dripping cup of coffee half full, while the other half is on the floor.


So I get pissed and go get the mop. He is attempting to clean it up using over 1000 of our napkins bunched together. So I tell him that I got it and he proceeds to stand there refilling his cup while I'm trying to mop around him. At least wait til I'm done cleaning up YOUR MESS before you get your fucking coffee. Asshole. So yes, it's people like that that really make me mad.

The shift that I dislike the most is the afternoon shift. That shift is mostly full of old people playing lottery, and people that have no jobs so they have nothing else to do but walk around the store looking suspicious. Oh, and it's also full of kids that are getting off of school.

That shift is usually the slowest one of the day. The people that come in are lottery players. They have nothing better to do than play the lottery. And stand there. And scratch. Every. Single. Ticket. At. The. Counter. What they don't realize, is that there are other people that come in to the store needing to buy things. These ticket scratchers think they own the counter and not only are they taking up space, they are littering so that I have to clean it up.

I wish we had an area that people could play their stupid tickets at. Most of the lottery customers are the worst. In fact, I'm dedicating a whole chapter just to them.

Anyways, back to the different shifts. While the worst shift is the afternoon one, the creepiest shift is the night shift, also known as the graveyard shift. There are many types of freaks the frequent the convenience stores late at night, and I'm sure I've seen every one of them.

It's no wonder these people only come out at night, they are too fucked-up to be among the general population.

Usually the drunk crowd comes in for a few hours, but then after that, around 1am to 3am, that's when the weird shit happens. It's like a ghost town out there once beer sales close for the night. Then all the weirdos and druggies come out. There's nothing worse than being on a night shift by yourself, have it be all quiet, and then watch as someone stumbles in that looks like they are going to rob you.

There should be a rule for all freaks that come out at night. Don't constantly stare up at the cashier while looking for something to buy. It makes me suspicious and ready to call the cops.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Fun on Night Shift

Well, here I am working another night shift. Thank God there is Internet access here because I'd probably fall asleep if there wasn't anything to do. I've recently discovered those 5 Hour energy shots. I took one at around midnight, and my shift ends at 6am, so I should be ready to 'crash' sometime around then.

Thankfully there hasn't been too many weirdos tonight. I mean, there are some characters in here, but not the creepy kind like there usually is.

If you aren't going to work, or coming home from it, then why are you awake and in the store shopping for a twinkie? Most of the time (and I say MOST, not ALL), the people up in the middle of the night mainly don't have jobs. That's the same with afternoon customers that come in to play lottery. They have nothing else to do because they don't work. Where they get money for lottery I don't know, but they are there every day playing numbers.

However, tonight has been full of people taking their time giving me their money. Since it's night shift I don't usually mind, but when I'm working in the morning and people are busy and on their way to work, there is no time for me to wait while you count out 57 cents in pennies.

I wish I could wear a sign that tells people they should have their money ready BEFORE they get to the counter. But, apparently I have nothing else to do while these people sort through their change and pull out the lint collected from their pockets.

And after beer sales close at night, it's pretty slow around here. I'll sell the occasional cigarettes or Hot Pocket, but generally people don't come out if they can't buy alcohol.

Only a few more hours to go. Let's hope it goes quickly and I don't have any freaks in here tonight.


Friday, February 5, 2010

Blame it on the Alcohol

Now, I don't always hate my job as much as it seems like I do. There are some good things, but I'm not going to list those here. For now, I'm going to talk about the drunks.

We all know that there are many alcoholics out there. And they are the nicest people generally...unless they can't get their beer.

There are a few types of drunks out there.

First, there are the ones that stumble in, go grab their beer, pay in pennies and quietly leave the store, walking home. These guys are fine, until I see how bad they are stumbling. That's when I refuse to sell them their beer. Why do I do this? Well, because if they happen to stumble out in the middle of the road carrying their can of Molson Ice or Steel Reserve and get hit by a car, it's most likely going to be the cashier that gets blamed for selling it to them.

Yes, that's right, the years he's been an alcoholic and had people enabling him all his life which caused him to drink even more won't matter, because I was the last one to sell him his beer before he became splattered all over the hood of a car.

So this is why I refuse beer to our town drunks, not because I care about them, but I'm just trying to save my own ass.

But usually the drunks don't look at it this way. When they stumble up to the register carrying their drink of choice and licking their lips in anticipation of the cold one they are about to swallow, I start shaking my head and telling them that they can't have any today.

“Why not?” they ask questioningly.

As I explain to them that they can't even walk straight, I see the anger forming in their sad eyes. They usually try to argue, but to no avail. I'm a stone cold mean cashier. If I don't want to sell you something, you sure as hell aren't going to get it. Not unless you have a million dollars. That you are willing to give me. Tax free.

And most likely these alcoholics aren't loaded with any cash if they are paying me in nickels and dimes. And yes, I do feel bad for them sometimes because alcoholism is a disease and is hard to conquer, but don't argue with me about trying to help you. I don't know you, I don't care that much about you, so go somewhere else and buy it from them.

And they usually don't buy it from anyone else. Most of the time I watch them walk away and they end up going right back home, even though there are other stores across the street that would sell them what they want. I don't get it, but oh well. Drunks will be drunks.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Bathroom (Part 3)

Then there are those that I hate the most. The ones that try to 'trick' me. They come up to the register and politely ask me if the bathroom is really out of order. I say yes, and then they ask 'Well where do you go to the bathroom then?' Depending on my mood, I usually say one of the following:

1. We don't have a public restroom. (if I'm in a good mood)
2. I don't. (if I don't want to be bothered)
3. Outside in the bushes.

I'm always careful with #3, because sometimes I will see people quickly run outside around to our dumpster to relieve themselves. This is usually when I'm wishing one of our local law enforcement officers pull up so I can run out there and tell them.

Usually people will go around to the side of our dumpster to take a leak, and I hope nothing else. This pisses me off because I don't want to be the one stepping in piss or shit if I'm not watching where I'm going. It's not like you're in the woods, people.

One time, I was throwing out some garbage in the back by the dumpster, and I heard a trickling sound. I listened for a second until I realized it was some Chinese guy taking a leak on our wall after I had told him we had no bathroom. So I quickly ran to the front of the store and walked outside to join him as he walked back to his car. I started yelling at him in front of everyone that was outside at the pump. All I remember was that my voice echoed a lot and that I told him he was a disgusting pig and to go take a shit at his own house, not outside on my wall.

I don't think he ever came in again.

I don't see why people get so angry with us. It's like they don't have anyone else to yell at at home and decide that yelling at a cashier will make their life so much better.

The things people have done in bathrooms is crazy. We've opened the door only to find piss, shit and other mysterious items caking the walls and sink. I hate that people think they can do whatever they want to someone else's property. And that we have to clean it up.

I've seen some employees quit before because they couldn't handle what was inside that bathroom.

We do however, have some customers that we like, that just to use the bathroom they are willing to fix it and plunge it themselves. Fine by me, you can do all the dirty work.

My coworkers and I have a rule amongst ourselves. If any one of us gives out the key to the restroom, the one who gave out the key is responsible for cleaning up whatever a customer does in there.

Ahh, if only we lived in a world without public restrooms. All I know, is that I would hate to be a janitor or any other type of worker where my job was to clean out a bathroom. People have no regard for anything if it isn't theirs and they don't have to clean it up.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Bathroom (continued)...

My favorite bathroom customers are the ones that come in all hopeful, see a sign pointing them to the direction of the bathroom, and then quickly walk over to the bathroom only to discover that it isn't working. I love watching it as this happens, because their shoulders fall in disappointment, and then they immediately turn around in the hopes that I'll notice their distress and come to their rescue by letting them use our employee bathroom in the back. Yeah, right. Usually when I see them start to turn around, I'll quickly look down so as to not notice them pleading at me with their eyes. After that, the normal people just usually walk out.

But then there's the other types. There are the people that see the sign, yet will continue to walk on over to the bathroom and proceed to try the door handle to see if it's really locked. When I see this, I ask myself this question:

What are they going to do in there if the door to an Out of Order bathroom is unlocked?

I mean, if it says its out of order, then its probably not working, right? And that most likely means there is some kind of clog going on in that toilet. So the only thing I can think of, is that they are going to proceed to shit and piss on top of the shit and piss that is in there clogging the toilet, right? They probably figure that it's already broken and needs to be plunged, so what's one more load in there.

These people I would like to smack if I could. But usually they try the bathroom door, see it is locked and then go on their merry way.

Then there are the types that see it is out of order and decide to come up and talk to me about it. Some will come up and sweet talk me, asking “if I buy something can I use the bathroom then?” The answer is: no.

There are others that come up to me and ask me if the bathroom is really out of order. If I don't know them, I say yes. Then they proceed to do the pee dance and say they really need to go and want to know if I know where other bathrooms are. No, I don't. Why? Because I could care less that you forgot to use the facilities before you left your house. Isn't that what we ask our children all the time? 'Use the bathroom before we leave, Jimmy, because we aren't stopping on the way. That rule should still apply to some people these days.

There are some people that come in and you can tell they need to take a massive crap and who knows what else. These people are the reason I'm glad the bathroom doesn't work. As soon as you tell them that the bathroom is out of order, they simply say 'Oh no' and run out of the store eager to find another place to go. Yes, my friend, you are the reason that I never give the bathroom key out anymore.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Bathroom

I'd like to meet the idiot that made it a requirement to have a bathroom in a store. I bet they never had to clean up after the public.

We used to have a bathroom that was working. That was before we had a Bathroom Thief. We used to leave the bathroom unlocked so that people could come and go as they pleased and do their business. But then we started having complaints that the toilet wouldn't flush, things like that. So about once a week for a few months, we noticed that someone would steal the chain from inside the toilet. You know, the thing that makes the toilet WORK?

We often wondered why someone would just steal that, when there were plenty of napkins and toilet paper that they could rip off instead.

We came up with many variations as to why someone would want just the chain. Sell it for drugs, use it to make drugs...But we finally settled on the story that they just didn't want to pay for their own chain from their toilet. But how would that explain them stealing it once a week? Did their toilet chain break that often? I didn't think so. I figured it was someone that was fucking around with us.

But I wasn't able to prove my theory, because shortly thereafter we decided to put the bathroom 'Out of Order' and just let in people that were regular customers.

So this started my obsession with watching people walk in wanting to use the bathroom. I'd like to note that the reason I will never use a public restroom is because of what I've seen in ours. If only people knew what other people before them have done to the bathroom, they'd probably never want to leave their house.

More tomorrow....

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