Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Holiday Drunks

One more holiday to go and then it's all over for this year. I can't wait to get back to normal.

Speaking of normal, I had a few drunk guys come in the other day. They were both around 50 years old and came into the store together. While one of the guys went to look for something to eat, the other one came up to my register. He bought a pack of cigarettes and starts to open them at the counter.

I stand there and watch as he pulls out one cigarette at a time, breaks it in half and lets it fall to the floor. At first I thought he was just having trouble grabbing a single cigarette out of the pack from his alcoholic shakes, but then I realized he was just being a drunk asshole and littering on my floor.

So I didn't say anything to him and he continued to break his cigarettes in half. While he's doing that his buddy comes up to the register to pay for his food.

So this guy starts telling me about how he can't stand the holidays because his in-laws are over and that he's been drinking for three days straight. He also said that he doesn't understand why a 6-pack of beer doesn't even give him a buzz anymore. The only thing I could think about was how this guy got someone to marry him.

So I've got this guy rambling on and wondering about why he has to drink more to feel the effects of alcohol, and the other guy still breaking cigarettes and dropping them on the ground.

I swear it's like these two were testing me.

There were so many things I could have said, so many points I could have made, and so much anger I could have let out. Especially because of all the tobacco now on my floor. But I was just too tired.

Instead, I politely and calmly told the first guy to stop making a fucking mess on my floor and told the second one that he should switch to hard liquor instead of just beer. I wished them a good day and told them to be careful driving because there were a lot of cops on the road today. After they left, I called the police and gave them the license plate number and reported a possible drunk driver leaving the parking lot.


  1. Awesome blog! I have spent the past 2 weeks reading it from beginning to end in my downtime and it is very informative and entertaining. (Don't worry, I did not find it by googling butt crack lol)


  2. Oh revenge is sweet sometimes isn't it?

  3. two drunken thumbs up (so, would that make it four thumbs, to account for the double vision?)

  4. Good for you! I hope they were both thrown in jail - that would give both of their families something to celebrate!

  5. Love it. By the way, I have yet to finish the post on snot that you posted a few weeks ago. I was reading while eating dinner, I seriously almost threw up.

  6. The Holidays sure bring out the.. Uh, best, huh? I’m glad it’s over w/… I really am.

  7. Lordy nothing like the Holidays that make you want to drink for a week.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  8. I found your blog recently on Kindle and LOVE it. My husband listens nightly as I read it to him. We share your sense of humor. Thanks so much.




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