Even Dumber Criminals of the Week

You'd think that people would learn by now not to steal from my store, but there's also dumb criminals moving into the area.

The other day I was in the back room and working on paperwork. I was sitting in front of the monitor and just happened to look up and saw on one of our cameras that a regular customer was in the store. At the exact moment I looked up, I saw him shove something down his pants.

So I went out to the registers and stood there looking at him as he walked up to the counter. He stared at me, I stared at his stomach, but couldn't notice a bulge there from whatever he had stolen.

At that exact moment, my sister came around the corner and I asked her to go look this guy up on the camera to see if he stole anything.

My co-worker was ringing him up, yet he was still staring at me and now I noticed he was hunched forward a little. I kept intently staring but still did not see anything, even though I was 100% sure that he stole something. I was hoping my co-worker would stall him to keep him in the store, but she had no idea what was going on and I didn't want to make it obvious in case I was wrong.

After a minute or so, his sale was completed and he left the store. I was literally hopping around wishing for my sister to hurry up and confirm my suspicions.

Just then, my sister came out of the back room and up to me. "It looks like he took something," she said.

I ran outside to his car as he was lighting up a cigarette. His window was down so luckily I didn't have to yell, but I would have been more than glad to.

"What did you steal?" I asked him.

He looked up at me, his eyes squinting from the sun, but didn't say a word.

"I saw you take something, now give it to me," I demanded with my hand out. Still, he said nothing and just stared at me.

"We have it on the security cameras that you took something from the back. I watched you put it down your pants. Give it to me or I'm calling the cops," I said, getting louder.

I could see him softly sigh and then he reached down into his pants. I was sure he was going to pull out his ding-dong and wave it at me, but instead he pulled out a 24 oz. cold can of Steel Reserve beer.

I ripped it out of his hands, not even thinking about whether or not a pube might have been stuck on there. "If I see you in the store I'm going to call the police. You aren't allowed in here," I said to him as I walked away. He ended up backing his car out of the parking lot and left.

Since this guy was a regular customer that came into the store multiple times a day, we decided to look up the times he usually came in. Out of the two weeks worth that we went through, we saw him steal a total of 8 times. And it was always the same way; shoving a can of beer down his pants. When did our beer become buy 1 get 1 free??

This made me so angry that I called the cops on him. Long story short, they ended up going to his house and ticketing him for it. They told us that he's like the town drunk of the city and is always getting into drunken bar fights with people. Figures.

At least that'll be one less thief in our store. But I'm sure 6 more thieves moved into the area in the time it took for me to write this.