Thursday, July 7, 2011

Preparing for Night Shift

Whenever I've worked night shifts in the past, the most annoying and uncomfortable part about that shift is the people that stand around and try to flirt with me.

I don't like it, and I always wish they would just leave me alone. I don't have time to listen to their lame pickup lines and I especially don't like the way they leer at me.

So in an attempt to try to deter these people, I've been trying to look as crappy as possible before I work a night shift. I figure that the more atrocious I look and smell, the more these people will be less likely to flirt with me.

When I know I have to work night shift, I will make sure I don't wash my hair for a few days so it is nice and greasy. I also never wear makeup on night shift. As for my clothing, I opt for something baggy and preferably with holes in it.

I also make sure I never wear deodorant so that I am nice and smelly. I even sometimes don't brush my teeth before work. I get rid of any nail polish as well as any jewelry I have on.

My point in doing all of this is so that nobody can find anything attractive on me whatsoever.

It still doesn't work though. These weirdos really don't care who they are flirting with, as long as they have a vagina, I guess.

It looks like I'm going to have to be more drastic. Maybe a fake scar across my forehead, or even a running supply of snot down my face. Or maybe I should get a fake beard so people will think I am a guy.

What do you think? Got any suggestions?


  1. Wear a ring and talk about your live-in girlfriend? A lot?

    I feel your pain, though. The other day, I was working at the high-end kitchen store, and this older guy was attempting to flirt with me. I am in my early 40's, and he was probably late 50's. First of all, I am married and always wear my ring. Now, if this was Harrison Ford or George Clooney, I would be all for an innocent little flirtathon, but he wasn't. I just kept thinking, YUCK! He was not attractive at all (even though I am sure that HE thought he was).

    The flip side is, we will sometimes have some very hot guys, late 20's or early 30's coming into the store, and I keep my composure but inside my head I am thinking **WOW**.


  2. When they ask if you want to go out with them, ask if you can bring your double headed dildo and some IcyHot. Make it obvious they'll be on the receiving end. THAT should give them pause... works for me every time. -KFartLady-

  3. It sounds like you have all the bases covered. The ring is a good idea, you should give that a try. If that doesn’t work maybe you can put a little sign on the counter that reads “NO, I will not go out with you!”

  4. Clods are clods and nothing you do will change that. Just saying.

    Have a terrific day in spite of all the weirdos you deal with everyday. :)

  5. I like to consume large amounts of shawarma.

  6. Creepers be creeping no matter what you look like. It's one of the sad facts of life.

    Maybe you can spill some water on your crotch & make it look like you're incontinent.

  7. I always like the pause, close one nostril, make a loud noise and clear the other nostril. Best performed partway through a sentence. And with as much noise and vocalization as possible. Helps if you remember to swallow right after.


  8. Seriously, after all this time you thought any of that would be a deterrent? lol Although, I do think that the whole nose pressing/clearing/swallowing thing is a keeper.

  9. I had a coworker once who would pop pimples using the built in mirror of the candy machine in the lunch room while we were trying to eat our lunches, that pretty much turned everybody's stomach.

  10. I like KFart Lady's idea, and also Sally's - with the nose-blowing technique. You might also try large quantities of garlic (not worn around the neck, but consumed). Go ahead and shower, etc. - why debase yourself in an attempt to avoid the creeps? Yesterday, at the public pool, this overweight guy in a speedo (my kids said, "MOM! GROSS! MY EYYYYYYESSSS!") was flirting with the shapely lifeguard....the entire time of her shift. UGH.

  11. Ugh believe me, I know EXACTLY what you mean. Working at Wally-world on late shifts; I see a LOT of creepers lol. I've learned that wearing a fake ring really makes them pause, they get too friendly (standing around talking to me when I need to ring up another customer) I smile sweetly and mention that they're the wrong gender for me :) (not true, but it works wonders and makes my co-workers crack up).

  12. That SSUUUCCCKKKKSS that you have to change your hygiene habits and dress in an attempt to deter unwanted flirting from customers. My suggestion would be this: you can sell someone stuff without being pleasant. A cold, bitchy attitude can be very effective. I wouldn't suggest being reactionary because sometimes an angry outburst pleases freaks just as much as a smile. Good luck and hopefully those nightshifts are infrequent.

  13. Maybe a fake oozing cold sore that screams "HERPES!!"? lol

  14. Wow, I can totally relate. It seems on the night shift that all the guys are so drunk or high that they think they are God's gift to women. I have tried the ring thing, it does not work. They think they can still get you to cheat. I wear the baggy clothes. Doesn't work. I refuse to smell bad and not wear makeup and not do my hair just because some creeps want to pick up on me. I just flat tell them, " I am NOT interested, I have a man that I am not too fond of and there is no way I want another one!"
    It's funny though, they still keep trying, even the old ass men, dude I am a 40 yr old that looks young and you are .....well grey and old.
    I can be a stone cold bitch though if they don't get the message, one time I even had to call the cops because I was literally being harassed. I carry a tazer if they want to try to touch me.
    Good times. Not. Chin up! You must be good looking if you have to down grade when you work.



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