No Scanner For You!

I hate it when customers think it's funny to scan their own items.

I had this guy come in one time doing this. I seriously think he did it to scam me and get free stuff.

He walks up to my register with a crapload of items, mostly candy bars. I'm talking about probably 15-20 various small items of candy. Something that would be easy to get messed up on.

He makes some small talk with me, flashing his bright yellow smile, and proceeds to pick up one of his items, reach over, and scan it with my scanner.

Once he did this, he stood back, fake smiling and softly laughing, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I played along, fakely laughing as well.

Well I guess he thought it was okay, because he started to scan more of his items into the register. Back then, I was too polite to say anything and thought I would get yelled at for 'being mean to a customer', so I just stood there, quietly supervising.

Well this guy quickly picked up speed, because soon I saw hands and candy flying everywhere, and the occasional scanner beep going off.

I wasn't sure what happened, it had all gone too fast. Next thing I know, I'm bagging his items up while he's handing me his money and telling me to keep the change.

He quickly said goodbye and got out of there. I look at the register and see that his total was $4.52. He had handed me $5 and told me to keep the change. There was no way all the shit he bought only came to $4.52. That bitch had scammed me.

So now, when people try to scan their own items, I get pissed. It is not your job to do my job. You are not making it easier on me by scanning your items. And if you happen to scan it twice by accident, then that's your fault and you're paying for it.

Here's Your Change, Satan

It's funny watching people get all freaked out and nervous when their total comes to $6.66.

Some people start to look a little pale, others look around uncomfortably as if the Devil is lurking just around the corner ready to steal their pack of smokes...or steal their soul, whichever comes first.

Usually I'll play it up too, and go "Uh, oh, you better buy something else" just so we sell more.

I've learned that Satan's numbers are great for business. People will be quick to buy anything just to get $6.66 off the screen. I usually suggest they purchase something we need to get rid of, or something that's expiring soon.

I've never seen anyone smile or go "Cool!" when their total is $6.66. Usually I'm the one smiling because I know we'll sell more.

Sometimes I'll try to get people to play the lottery with 666, but I rarely get any takers.

I wonder if I can rig something in the store to automatically play an evil Satan-ish laugh when someone gets that number. My guess is that a lot of people would piss themselves. On second thought, bad idea. That means more clean-up for me.

Things I Hate: Heavy Breathers

One of the many things I hate is customers that are heavy breathers. You know the type: they come up to the counter to buy their cigarettes and are huffing and puffing so bad that you can smell what they had for dinner two nights ago.

The other day I had this guy come up to my register. I knew he was a hardcore smoker because he bought 5 packs of non-filtered cigarettes. Anyways, he's at the counter, grabbing onto it tightly, and breathing heavily in my direction.

No, he wasn't trying to make a pass at me, I think he was trying to stay alive.

So I tried to dodge his puffs of air, but I swear they were like missiles that followed me around. Soon I gave up and just let him continue to breathe on me because really, there was nowhere I could go.

I look around and noticed that he was breathing so hard that papers were flying everywhere and my hair was flowing in the breath wind just like a supermodel.

Luckily this guy didn't have stinky breath like most of the heavy breathers do. But he did stay up there so long trying not to die that I felt like I had windburn on my face after he left.

Please, try not to breathe so hard when you are at the register. It's not fair to us cashiers.