Car Washes and Kids

Most gas stations have car washes attached to them, but we don't.

Instead, we let school groups from the community have fundraiser car washes. Some of those groups have made over $400 just from washing cars in an afternoon.

Anyways, the car washes don't bother me so much because most groups hook up their hoses, wash cars and leave when they are done.

There are, however, some groups that piss me off.

I have banned the school cheerleaders from ever doing a car wash at our store because:

a) they wear next to nothing in order to get people to want car washes

b) they take up all the parking spots so our customers can't get into our store

Now, I get that they want to wear skimpy stuff in order to get customers to stop and get their car washed, but what they don't realize is that these men stare and leer at their 13 year-old bodies. It's disgusting. And while I know we have many perverts come into the store, I don't want to know that one of my regulars is a closet perv.

The cheerleaders don't know they are banned yet. As soon as they call to schedule another car wash I'm going to tell them to G-O A-W-A-Y!

The car wash last week was different though. It was for some boy scout troop and I had to actually go out and yell at them. They are also banned from having car washes as well.

It was cloudy outside so they weren't getting much business, so the kids decided to resort to begging customers for money as soon as they got to our front doors. Everytime I heard the door open all I heard was "Mister, do you got a dollar to donate to us?"

When I went out there to tell them to stop, the kids gave me an attitude. So I went to the parents running the thing and told them that if their kids wouldn't stop asking customers for money, I was going to shut off the water supply and close their car wash down.

I don't see why it has to be such a big production when there are car washes. I can't wait for it to start snowing again.

No Bag For You

It's no secret that I hate bagging people's items. I don't know why I hate it, I just do.

So when a customer comes up to my register, I always try a little trick in order to not have to bag anything.

Whenever I'm done scanning their stuff, I will always scrunch the items together as close as I can in order to make it look smaller.

The smaller it looks, the better chance they won't want a bag.

This works. It really does. The customer leaves thinking they hardly bought anything, and I end up happy I didn't have to lick my fingers to open up a plastic bag for them. It's a win-win situation.

But I still get the douchebags that want a bag for the 35 cent piece of gum they are buying. Those people will never die.

Wakey Wakey

I came in to work the other morning at 6am and there was a car parked sideways in one of the parking spots.

I asked the night shift girl what was up with that and she told me that a customer was inside the car and sleeping. He had been sleeping in there now for a few hours.

Usually when people do this they are sleeping off their drunkenness.

I decided to wait a little bit before calling the cops. Even though he was parked sideways, he was parked at the very end of the lot so there were plenty of other spots for customers.

Still, I decided to give him an hour before I got him in trouble.

About 45 minutes later, I see a face pop up inside the car. Sleeping Beauty had woken up. So I watched through the window to try and get a good look at who this guy was.

I wish I had called the cops at the start of my shift.

It was this regular customer that I can't stand. He's the one that called me a "fucking bitch" when I got mad that he spilled his coffee all over the place while talking on his cell phone and blocking my register.

Him and I don't like each other. So when I recognized it was him, I scowled at him through the window. He scowled right back, started up his car and left.

I so wish I would have gotten him in trouble. Even if he wasn't drunk I still would have liked him to wake up to the cops tapping on his window.

Teenagers and their Pants

I'm sure kids everywhere are excited that school is over for the summer, but I'm not.

This is when it now becomes free babysitting for parents.

Most of the kids around here, aged 12-16, will wander the streets having fun.

After a few hours of lounging around wherever they feel like outside, they will then come into my store.

The other morning, at 6am, we had one of those kids come in. He was probably around 14 years old.

My first thought was "Why is this kid out at six in the morning?"

My second was "What is he wearing?"

He had on three layers of clothing, and I saw them all. First was the dark blue boxers he wore. I saw them so clearly because the second layer, a pair of shorts, was hanging half off of his butt. Then the third layer, a pair of sweatpants, was hanging completely off of his butt. It looked like someone had "pantsed" him but then saw all his layers of clothing and just gave up.

He was actually walking around like this. When I saw him walk, I noticed he was doing the pee-dance, like he needed to use the bathroom, but then I realized he was standing like that in order to keep his pants from falling down.

He wandered around the store for a little bit and then left. A few minutes later another kid came in and walked up to my register.

"Can I help you?"

He handed me a wad of crumpled money. "Hey, can I have a pack of Camel Menthol?" he said as he pointed at the Virginia Slims.

"Sure," I said as I went to go get his cigarettes. "Can I see your ID?"

"I left it at h-home," he stuttered.

"Sorry, I can't sell cigarettes without an ID," I said, handing him back his wad of crumpled cash.

"Oh, it's okay, I'm sorry," he mumbled as he left.

Once he was outside he headed in the same direction that the pants kid had gone. As I watched him I saw him go 'Damn!' and shake his head, clearly disappointed that he had been unsuccessful.

But my first thought still exists: Where are their parents and why are they walking the streets trying to buy cigarettes at six in the morning??

This is not going to be a good summer, I can just tell already.

Only 1 more month until the Carnival from Hell begins this year.

Another Day, Another Scam

I know I post a lot about Western Union scams, but I do it so that people will read these stories and NOT FALL FOR THEM.

We had a deaf woman come in the other day who wanted to send $2,000 to Nigeria through Western Union.

I always know that it's a scam when it's to Nigeria, but these people are blinded by all the talk of money they will receive from these scammers.

Writing on a piece of paper, I asked her if she knew the person in Nigeria and she assured me she did. I wrote that this was probably a scam. She kept shaking her head no, insisting that she wanted me to send the $2,000.

So I did. But I added a test question to it so that the person on the other end could not pick up the money. A test question can be anything such as 'What is my favorite color?' or 'How many cats do I have?' in which the person picking up the money has to correctly be able to answer the question in order to complete the transaction. It's an extra security measure that Western Union uses.

So after I completed it and gave her the information, she came back in a few minutes later saying that the person in Nigeria never received the money and that she was supposed to re-send it. The scammers were telling her to resend another $2,000 because it didn't go through to them. And she was going to do it!

I told her to wait about an hour for it to go through and to come back. Well, she did wait an hour and then came back with a return number from Western Union in order to get her money back. She said the person in Nigeria never got it and that Western Union re-issued her the money.

First, Western Union doesn't automatically re-issue money to anyone. They make you wait hours, days, even weeks in order to get your refund. They are pretty shitty in getting anyone's money back to them.

Second, I didn't want to go through Western Union to give her the money back because then she'd turn around and send it right back to the scammers.

So I told her that we couldn't issue a refund over the weekend and that she'd have to go to come back on Monday morning.

I hope that during the rest of the weekend when her money was stuck with Western Union, she realized what a scam she was getting into.

Sometimes these people just don't want to understand or listen to what we are trying to tell them. $2,000 is a lot of freaking money. Most people around here never see that much in a year.

Western Union should just stop sending money to Nigeria. We have. Whenever someone comes in from now on and wants to make a transaction to Nigeria, we are telling them that we don't send money there anymore. Hopefully that will stop some of the scamming bullshit going on since Western Union doesn't seem to want to stop it themselves.

Product Review: Neuro-Sleep

We just got in a big display full of these Neuro-type drinks. There's Neuro-Gasm, Neuro-Sonic, Neuro-Sun, Neuro-Sleep, Neuro-Aqua, Neuro-Bliss, Neuro-Sport and Neuro-Trim.

I've decided that since I can't sleep at night without dreaming about my store that I will try the one called NeuroSleep.

However, I am a bit weary.

The salesman that came in for these was telling us about each one and how good they worked. He said that at the last store he went to, one of the employees there had tried the NeuroSleep and ended up peeing his pants. I'm not sure if that was during the day or while he was sleeping.

That must have been some pretty good stuff! He also said that many people try it and get really drowsy and are able to have a full night's sleep.

Naturally I think it's a load of bull, but whatever. It contains Melatonin, just like the Lazy Cakes, so I'm sure it will have some effect of sleepiness on me.

Let's just hope I don't piss myself in the middle of the night. I will post my update on it after I've tried it.

Has anyone tried any of these? The Neuro-Gasm sounds interesting.

Confessions of a Cashier

I'm working on a book about all the customers I've experienced over the years, which is why I haven't been posting much. I'm almost done with it and hope to get it published. Is this even something people would want to read?

I've been reading other books similar to mine, such as Waiter Rant and Retail Hell.

The books above are good, but they don't have a ton of customer stories in them like mine does.

Does anyone know of any other good books like these out there? I'm dying to read more of this stuff. I live for it!

Can I Have Change For This?

We get a lot of customers coming in wanting change for their bills. That's fine if it's a small bill.

I do, however, refuse to give people change for a $100 bill. It is then that I tell them they have to buy something if they want to break the bill.

A lot of people get mad. They are mad that I'm now making them buy something. They usually look around for about five minutes, looking for the cheapest thing in the store, which is our 35 cent gum.

They will usually then throw the gum on the counter and not say a word to me the rest of the time.

Why should we have to break it if you aren't buying something? That puts us at risk because it could be fake money.

It's not even our regular customers that do this. It's people I've never even seen before.

I've told people before that there is a bank across the street. They usually tell me that they won't shop at my store anymore if I won't give them change for their bill. Fine by me, I don't give a shit.

The gas station down the street won't even accept a $100 bill as payment, even if you owe them $60 or more. They tell you that you have to pay them in smaller bills or on a credit card.

So take note: If you ever want change for your bigger bills, plan on buying something in the store. It's rude to walk in, not buy anything and assume the cashier will give you change.