Wow, You're Such a Good Mother

I was stocking Red Bull yesterday when two teenagers came in and walked towards the back of the store. Of course they looked at me when they walked in, and I quickly became suspicious when I caught them glancing at me again while standing behind a rack of snacks.

I ran into the beer cooler to get a better look at them through the cooler doors and sure enough, they were shoving stuff into their pockets. I raced outside to confront them.

"Did you need help with something?" I said, while glaring at the two.

"Nope," was the response of the older one, who then started texting on his cell phone. The other one turned to walk away from me.

"Empty your pockets," I replied.

"What for?" said the younger thief.

"Because I said so. Empty your pockets or I'll do it for you." By then we were near the front of the store. They both emptied their pockets and set everything they stole on the front counter. I don't know how, but they had shoved a bunch of beef jerky, peanuts, oreos and nutter butters in their pockets. "I'm calling the police," I said as they set the last of their loot on the counter.

The two turned to walk out the store and I followed them. They walked towards a beat up shitty looking car with a woman inside. Once they got in the car, I approached the woman. "These kids were caught stealing in our store. I need you to stay here until the police get here."

She looked a little rough around the edges, and gave me an evil glare. "My kids don't steal," she spat as she quickly put the car in reverse and pulled out. I couldn't do anything but get the license plate, so that's what I did.

The police ended up finding them, and when I looked back on the security cameras, I saw that the woman (their mother?) had come in at the same time as the kids and was distracting the other cashier by asking for directions while her kids stole everything they could.

So the cops arrested the older kid (he had a warrant out for his arrest) and gave the younger kid a ticket for stealing and the mother a ticket for obstructing justice. We're going to hand over the security tapes so they can try and prove that she was in on it with them by trying to distract the cashier.

Fine example of parenting, Mom. You've earned yourself an award. Be proud, I don't give these out to just anyone!

Umm, That Isn't Yours Yet

I'm pretty much suspicious of everyone and I'm a very observant person. It's a gift, and a curse.

One thing I can't stand is when a customer will be buying something for someone sitting in their car, and before they pay for the item they will take it outside to see if the person in the car wants it.

Just like the gas pump incident the other day, this kind of thing irritates us. Why? Because we think you are stealing something if you take it out of the store before paying for it.

It doesn't matter if the person is right outside the door. If you run outside with one of our items, we think you are stealing it.

Are you allowed to do that at a department store? Are you allowed to take a pair of pants outside to the parking lot to see if your mom approves of it? No.

Are you allowed to take a gun from the gun store outside before paying for it just to see if Junior likes it? No way.

Then why do people think it's okay to do this in my store? Just because you come back inside 20 seconds later, that still doesn't make it okay that I was about to run out from behind the counter and chase after you.

Now, the normal people with common sense will actually come up to me and ask if they can take the drink or snack outside really quick to see if the person in the car wants it. That's fine by me, as long as I know about it beforehand.

Or, you can make the lazy person in the car get their ass inside so this whole thing could be prevented in the first place.

Just remember: It isn't yours until you've paid for it.

The One-Armed Bandit

Today we had a thief in the store. But this wasn't a normal thief. This thief caught me off guard because he only had one arm.

I was doing my usual thing (nothing) and just happened to glance at our security screen that is permanently focused on the Pop Tarts (since that is the area where most of our theft occurs) and I see someone stuffing something into their pocket.

I run back there and catch this backwards hat-wearing punk stealing. I ask him what he's doing and he quickly turns towards me and this is when I see that his pocket is full of energy bars and that he only has one arm.

My mind computes that I need to ask him everything in the singular tense.

"What's in your pocket?" as opposed to 'pockets'. And "Put your hands where I can see them" had to be changed to 'Put your hand where I can see it."

He had a scowl on his face the whole time and throwing out the F-bomb a few times. Naturally he denied stealing anything even though I could see Peanut Butter Power Bars pouring out of his pocket.

I finally told him that if he returned everything I wouldn't call the cops. He did, and I didn't call them. How would they be able to cuff him?

Leaving Your Valuables Behind

We get tons of people leaving stuff behind at the counter. Wallets, cell phones, keys, driver's licenses, cigarette butts, you name it, we've seen it left behind.

Usually one of the cashiers will notice it and stick it behind the counter until the person comes back. Many times even customers will see it on the counter and tell the cashier about it.

However, if you happen to leave something behind outside, then you're pretty much screwed.

I don't know why people set items up on the pumps while they are pumping gas. There are many other places to put things, such as on the top of your car or even IN your car. But no, people usually place their wallets, keys and other valuables right on top of the pumps.

And then what happens? That's right, they forget them.

Things being forgotten outside are pretty much lost forever. Customers rarely turn things in that they've found outside. They probably think that since no one saw them out there, then it's finders keepers.

Usually we will get an honest customer saying they found a credit card laying on the ground outside. Sometimes though, the dishonest people will take that card and run. Run right to the stores and start spending your money.

One time a customer left his credit card on the counter. I didn't notice it there, but apparently the next customer I rang up did. She was a regular customer that would come in many times a day.

Well, looking back on the security tapes, she takes this guy's credit card and puts it in her purse while I'm ringing her up. She then proceeds to leave and go to various stores around town using it. You know, the Chinese restaurant, the dollar store, places like that. Lucky for him she wasn't smart enough to go spending at bigger places.

We found out she had taken his card when the police came in with a picture of her using the card at another store. We recognized her right away and it was only a matter of days until she came in again trying to use the card and that's when we got her.

If you do pump gas and need a place to store your stuff, open your car door back up and put it in there. That way you won't forget it and it'll save you the hassle of having cash stolen or calling the credit card companies to cancel your cards.

When Will Thieves Ever Learn?

Why do people think they can get away with stealing? We have signs EVERYWHERE that say you are on camera and you will be prosecuted if caught.

We had a teenager come in yesterday on his way to school. We proceed to see him on camera set his bookbag down on the ground and stuff it full of drinks. Unfortunately we didn't know this until after he had left.

So we called the cops, and they came to take a report. We had the kid on camera doing this, but the bad part was that he walked to school, so we didn't have any kind of a license plate or anything to catch him.

Except that he was wearing a distinguishable plaid hoodie.

So, since we didn't have anything else to do, we walked over to the school around the time he was getting out.

After awhile we seem him walking with his girlfriend, so we call the cops that we talked to and walked over to the kid.

After being confronted, he denied everything at first and his girlfriend's mom started sticking up for him saying he's not going to talk to anyone until the police arrive. Fine.

Once the police showed up, he admitted that he had been thirsty that morning and didn't have any money to buy anything.

Thirsty? Thirsty would be stealing ONE drink. Of water. Not shoving six or seven Gatorade's in your backpack so you can share them with all your friends.

Apparently he should stay in school if he couldn't read our hundreds of signs in the store about being watched on camera.

Check Your Lotto Tickets

We gets tons of people in our store every day playing lottery. They range from customers that have never played before and want to try their luck on a $1 ticket to those that are obsessed and often spend $300 or more a day trying to hit the big one.

One thing I notice, with new and seasoned lottery players, is that sometimes they will hand me a lottery ticket and ask if I can run it through the machine to see if it's a winner.

I don't advise people to do this, unless you fully trust the cashier.

Why? Because it's so easy for me to say 'No, sorry, it's not a winner.' and hand it back to you. By then, I'll have run it through the machine to cash it, but am handing it back to you now unusable because I already cashed it in. If I ever did this to people, I'm sure many of them would not notice.

Also, always know what amount your ticket is for. I get even more people coming in thinking they won $1 when they actually won $10.

One time I had a customer playing tickets right in front of me. He ran up to me all excited because he won $200. I cashed his ticket and saw that it wasn't $200, it was $2,000. I could have easily taken the extra $1,800 and ran, because this guy was expecting just $200.

I always warn my customers that they should never walk into a store not knowing what they won. And that it's too easy for cashiers to lie.

Luckily for my customers they have a trusted cashier like moi.

Have you ever done this? Just handed your ticket to someone you don't even know and trusted them to tell you what you've won?

Live From Night Shift

So here I am, working the graveyard shift and it's been pretty busy for a Monday night, which can only mean that I will get all the freaks and weirdos in throughout the night.

9pm: Just as I figured. My first customer irritated me by taking forever to hand me her money. This created a long line of customers behind her who then gave me dirty looks because they had to wait so long.

10pm: The parade of weirdos continues. Some guy came in buying beer. As he was walking up to the register, I thought it had snot hanging out of his nose, but it was just a green nose ring. I have also noticed a lot of people lingering around in the parking lot.

11pm: Still more of the same. Once I shut beer down for the night, it usually gets pretty quiet.

12am: If you walk around in my store with your hands in your pockets while staring at me to see if I'm going to watch you steal, then yes, I am watching you while you attempt to steal.

Ahh, the joys of working night shift. Please go to bed, people. You don't need to buy cigarillos or Black & Milds at midnight. Get a job and be in bed like most people.

12:47am - Yay, almost time to shut beer down! Finally, some peace around here.

2am: Just had a customer stand here and talk to me for an hour. That's the only bad part about night shift. People think you have nothing to do but sit and bullshit with them. Although, I don't really have anything to do but blog I guess.

I haven't had a customer walk in for about an hour. Maybe the freaks aren't going to be out all night. Or maybe I just jinxed myself....

2:14am - Reading the newspaper. Nothing interesting. I'm bored.

2:31am - Still bored. Maybe I should go do some work? Still debating it.

3:10am - Geez, people sure do scramble in here when the fresh doughnuts come in!

4:08am - Okay, someone just walked in and tripped onto the floor. Then they got up and left the store. That reminds me of the time I was at the movies and a kid was walking down the steps to go get snacks and tripped on the ground where everyone saw him fall. He never came back to watch the rest of the movie. Probably the most embarrassing $9.00 he ever spent.

4:55am - The night is over, thank God! Until next time.

Tattling Customers

Customers are the best narcs on the planet. I love them sometimes. Whenever anyone is trying to rip us off, customers are there to see it and run up to us and tell us.

While many customers do this out of the goodness of their hearts, there are some that expect to be rewarded for their tattling. They want something like free cigarettes or even free gas for telling on another customer. I think that's bullshit. They are doing a good deed, they should be rewarded with a simple thank you. And really, that's all they usually get.

One time I had to yell at a regular customer because her husband decided to steal some food from the store. Now, if it was something like bread, milk or eggs, I would have let it go, but he was seen on camera opening packages of Doritos and eating from the the bag. We didn't get a chance to confront him because we didn't notice it until later, when we discovered two opened bags of Doritos around the store. So naturally we looked it up on tape and saw that this clown did it.

When I confronted the wife about it, she started crying. She is known as being a drama queen and currently has numerous lawsuits on all of her neighbors. Anyways, she started making a big deal out of this and ultimately ended up slapping her husband in the face in front of a bunch of people. Needless to say, the husband isn't allowed in the store anymore and I closely watch the wife whenever she is in the store. But I think she knows now that she wouldn't be able to get away with anything because of her husband.

But back to customers, we'll usually have a regular come up to us and whisper that they think the person in the back is stealing something. So that's when my favorite part of the job comes in to play. The part where I get to yell at someone and accuse them of stealing.

Some employees don't like to accuse anyone, but me? I don't care. I don't care how old you are, what color you are or how dumb you are. If you look guilty, you are going to get yelled at by me until I feel sufficient enough that you didn't steal from my store.

One time I was working night shift. This group of girls came in, three to be exact, and naturally headed for the back of the store, towards the beer. One of the girls was a regular, so I didn't really pay attention to them. They ended up going in and out of the store, not finding what they wanted. So I was ringing up a customer and happened to look on our camera that shows the back of the store. I saw one of the girls (she was by herself), trying to hide something in her pants. So I told the customer I was ringing up to hold on and I raced to the back of the store to confront her.

I asked her if she took anything and she said no. So I asked her what she put in her pants, and she stated it was 'just a drink'. So I made her take it out of her sweatpants and as I'm standing there, she pulls out a 40 oz bottle of Miller High Life from in between her legs. Without thinking, I grabbed it and escorted her to the door, taking note of the license plate of the car that she was in.

So later on, the car comes back into the parking lot and here I am, ready to call the cops because I think I'm going to have a situation. Well in comes the regular customer that was with the thief. She's by herself and almost crying, begging me not to call the cops with her license plate. She said that she didn't really know the girl that stole, she was a friend of a friend. So I scared her a little by saying I still may call the cops, but to never let that girl in the store again or she was going to get arrested.

All in a day's work, right?

What I didn't think about until later was the fact that I had touched that bottle of beer that had been in that girl's crotch. And I put it right back on the shelf. Hmm, I wonder if someone's beer tasted a little funny that night.