Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The One-Armed Bandit

Today we had a thief in the store. But this wasn't a normal thief. This thief caught me off guard because he only had one arm.

I was doing my usual thing (nothing) and just happened to glance at our security screen that is permanently focused on the Pop Tarts (since that is the area where most of our theft occurs) and I see someone stuffing something into their pocket.

I run back there and catch this backwards hat-wearing punk stealing. I ask him what he's doing and he quickly turns towards me and this is when I see that his pocket is full of energy bars and that he only has one arm.

My mind computes that I need to ask him everything in the singular tense.

"What's in your pocket?" as opposed to 'pockets'. And "Put your hands where I can see them" had to be changed to 'Put your hand where I can see it."

He had a scowl on his face the whole time and throwing out the F-bomb a few times. Naturally he denied stealing anything even though I could see Peanut Butter Power Bars pouring out of his pocket.

I finally told him that if he returned everything I wouldn't call the cops. He did, and I didn't call them. How would they be able to cuff him?


  1. lol... maybe they would attach the cuff to the door of the police car? Or maybe his belt buckle? But then again, I guess he could just take his pants off!

  2. If he had half of a brain he could have just told you that was the only way he could hold all of them until he got to the counter..and you may have believed him. But then again, that means he would have to buy them!

  3. My Momma Drama: Yeah, I've tried picturing how that could work, but can't.

    Jeanette: Yeah, and I would have believed him and felt bad for accusing him.



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