Emptying Your Ashtray

One thing I don't understand that happens A LOT, is why people will empty their ashtrays on the ground in the parking lot.

I mean, the garbage can is just a few feet away from your fat ass, so get out of your car and empty it in there.

I am always sweeping up piles of cigarette butts and ashes from the parking lot. I just don't understand why people have the nerve to litter openly like that. At least get out and dump it behind the building or something. Don't just leave your pile of butts all over the lot.

I wish I could catch one of these people sometime. I would scoop up their mess after they leave and wait for the next time they come into the store. Once inside, I would have my coworker distract them while I run outside, open their car door, and dump the ashtray contents all over their seat.

It's the same thing with people that come into the store and buy a drink. They will sometimes finish the drink before they get to their car, and then just throw the bottle on the ground.

People are pigs. I get paid to ring you up for your crap, not pick it up off the ground.

Could You BE Any Slower?

Why is it the first customer of the night is always the one to piss me off when I work night shift?

I was actually in a good mood when I came in to work.

This guy comes up to the register asking for cigarette specials. I tell him we don't have any and he just stands there looking at the cigarettes.

So then he starts asking me the price of some of the cigarettes. At first I tell him, but when he's on the 5th cigarette he wants to know the price for, I start to get irritated. First, the prices are right in front of the cigarettes. Second, I now have a line of people waiting behind him.

"How much are the Camels?"

"$5.12. I'm going to ring up these other people behind you until you decide what you want."

He stands to the side to let the next customer step up. "You know what? Nevermind, I'll just go to another gas station for cigarettes," he said angrily.

"You know what? Go somewhere else, I don't fucking care," was what I wanted to say, but didnt.

Instead I said nothing and after he left customers were talking about what a douche that guy had been.

I don't understand why some people think we have nothing better to do but stand up there and wait while you decide. Sure, it's my job to sell cigarettes, but not while you take 10 minutes to decide and hold up the line for the other customers.

Magnify This, You Jerk

Thank god I'm off for the next two days.

I had this regular customer come in today and hand me two Marlboro coupons, but wanted to buy Camel cigarettes with them.

I hate when people assume we'll take coupons for different products. We do this sometimes, but not all the time because then we get yelled at by the cigarette companies.

So I told him that we don't do that with coupons but that I'd take them just this one time.

So I go to ring up his $1 off coupon, and look at the expiration date. They expired in July.

By this time I've got a line of people behind him.

"I'm not taking these, they're expired," I say as I hand them back to him.

What does he do then? He pulls out a magnifying glass from his pocket to look at the expiration dates. "It's only $1. You can take these."

"No, I can't." I wasn't getting stuck paying for this guy's coupons.

So he threw 75 cents on the counter for his newspaper, and walked away, not wanting the cigarettes I guess.

I bet you can guess what I wanted to do with that magnifying glass of his.

It's Take A Penny, Leave A Penny

Yesterday this punk comes in wanting to buy cigarettes. After carding him, I ring up his smokes and the total comes to $4.25.

He pulls out a wad of bills and grabs $5 from it. He starts looking in our penny trays.

Punk (to me): You got a quarter?

Me: Uhh, no.

So he turns around to the customer behind him.

Punk: You got a quarter?

Unsuspecting customer: Uhh, no.

So he sighs really loud, and throws his $5 bill at me.

Really, asshole? You wanted someone to give you a quarter so you wouldn't get 75 cents back?

I'd understand if his total was $4.01 or something, but it wasn't. It was 25 cents. Is that how he got the wad of bills? From asking people for quarters everywhere he went?

So, this time I did two things. I gave him the crappiest money in the drawer because he pissed me off, and then when handing it back to him, I dropped it all on the counter "by accident", which caused it to roll away and fall on the floor.

I could only hope that by bending over to pick up his change, the hair on his balls got caught in his tighty whiteys and gave him a little pinch.

I'm seriously all for robots replacing the human race.

Another One Bites the Dust

People were vicious this weekend! Some of them must have gotten a firecracker shoved up their ass...or at least deserved to.

This punk comes in on Saturday wanting to buy cigarettes. He was wearing a wife beater shirt and a pair of swimming trunks.

I ask him for his ID, and he looks at me, holds his hands up and goes, "Uhh, where do you think I would put an ID? I don't have any pockets."

I have a few places he could shove his ID.

So I tell him that there might be room in his ass crack if he squeezes his cheeks together hard enough. Drug addicts and jailbirds have learned to use that convenient storage area very well.

He laughs and thinks I'm joking around and going to sell him cigarettes. Once he stops laughing and sees the look on my face, he turns around and walks away. At least this one didn't put up a fight.

Just because you come in wearing nothing that has pockets, that doesn't excuse you from having to present your ID. Nice try. Come up with something better next time.

Step Right Up, Folks

I remember an incident that happened when I first started working at the store...

It was morning, and I was just waking up and stumbling into work.

As I opened the door, I see a man laying on the floor inside our store. He's kinda just laying there and moving around a little like he's in pain.

I stare for a second and go up to the night shift girl and ask her what happened.

She tells me the guy just fell down and thinks he might be having a heart attack or something, so she called the police and they are on their way.

So we're standing there watching and making sure this guy is okay, even though there's not much we can do but wait until the ambulance shows up.

The one thing I remember about this and will never forget is that here this guy is, spread out on the ground right in front of the front doors, writhing in pain, and customers are actually walking in and stepping over him to come up to the register.

...really?

I couldn't believe that people were doing this. One guy didn't see him until the last minute and kind of jumped over his body to avoid tripping over him. But that didn't phase him; he just came right up to the register to get his cigarettes, and then hopped over him again on his way out.

I don't know about you, but if I saw a man laying there on the ground at 6 in the morning, I'd get the fuck out of there. There isn't a thing in that store that could tempt me to step over this man's body while he's having a heart attack. Not even a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

We never knew what happened to that man once the ambulance took him away. Hopefully he didn't have shoe marks on his chest from customers that probably stepped ON him to come in and buy their coffee and cigarettes.

Sadly not one customer that morning asked what was wrong with the guy. I guess it's normal to have people laying on the floor in the middle of a store.

There's a New Excuse Born Every Minute

So this kid comes in the other day to buy cigarettes.

Me: Do you have your ID? (He looked 12.)

Kid: Umm, no, I just got a new wallet.

So he opens his wallet to show me, and there's nothing inside. Nothing. Completely empty.

Kid: Your coworker knows me though.

Me: Well, she's not here to verify that, so I can't sell you cigarettes.

Luckily the kid just walked away instead of putting up a fight.

But really? You didn't have your ID and your excuse was that you just got a new wallet? Aren't you supposed to transfer your stuff from one wallet to the next once you buy a new one? He didn't even have any money in it, so I wondered how he was even going to pay for it. He'd probably have told me his money was in his old wallet and expected to get free smokes out of it.

It makes me wonder what kind of excuses people use when they go to a bar? And do these dumb excuses ever work?

Little Things I Hate: Slow Talkers

"Can you give me a pack of Marlboro?"

"Sure." I go and get his Marlboro's and come back.

"Um, lights."

Okay, he didn't say lights, but whatever. I go get his Marlboro Lights and come back.

"Umm, 100's."

I stop and stare at him. "So you want Marlboro Light 100's? Anything else before I walk back over there? Because whatever I grab, is what I'm bringing back and that's what you're going to buy. I'm not walking back again."

I can't stand when people won't tell me the full name of what they are going to buy BEFORE they watch me go and grab the wrong thing.

I'm a fast worker. You tell me what kind of cigarettes you want and I run to grab them. Only takes me a second. So don't do this:

"I need a pack of Marlborrrrooooo (here's where I'm walking to the Marlboro's) Liiiiighhhhtts (Putting my hand on a pack of Lights) umm...100'sssssssssssss (Moving my hand up to the 100's) ummm,....Box....

At this point I've tried grabbing your cigarettes 5,000 times before you decided to spit out what you want.

Quickly. Say these things quickly! I don't have time to guess what you want while you're dealing with your hangover or smoking withdrawal from the night before. Don't blink your crusty eyes at me because you just woke up at 3pm on a Wednesday.

Please...just keep the line moving!

Guest Post: Parking Lot Clean Up

Today's post comes from my fellow employee, we'll call her "S". "S" gets just as frustrated as I do with people sometimes, but she goes the extra distance and actually cleans up the parking lot. She's got more guts than I do, because I would probably pass out from things I would find there. Or get stuck with a stray used needle sticking out from the grass.

This time though, the parking lot hasn't been cleaned since before the snow started.

"Every once in awhile I like to step away from my register and venture out among the living. Today was a day for that adventure. I was assigned to rake the grass primarily to pick up all the loose paper and other items that accumulated in the grassy area during the winter. I started in the highly traveled area of the grass and raked up the usual accumulation of leaves.

Perusing further, I catch a glimpse of a few other items:

Cigarette butts, LOTS of cigarette butts

Tin cans

A used latex glove

Oh, I found a dime

Eww, a used condom

A cigarette box

And, what is that round thing? I get closer, and I poke at it with my rake. It's hard as a rock. What could it be? I get closer, UGH, it's a pile of puke, hardened over the winter."

Can I See Your ID?

Why is it that people get mad when they get carded for cigarettes or alcohol?

It's not everyone that gets mad though. It's usually the ones that just turned old enough to buy them.

Last night I had some kid get all angry at me because I carded him for a pack of smokes. He had just turned 18 a few days before. Come on, really?

Am I supposed to know that you just turned 18? I told him he looked 12. He didn't like that very much.

The older customers never get mad. They are probably happy to be carded, just like I am on the rare occasions that it happens to me.

I actually love telling the young ones that they can't buy cigarettes without their ID. I usually get a violent response. Many have given me the evil eye on the way out or called me names. I even had one person pull up to the window with their car, give me the middle finger, and then peel away in the parking lot.

I have no sympathy for you if you don't have your ID on you. I especially don't care when you start to give me an attitude about it. I am hoping one day when one of these little kids peel out of the parking lot all angry, that a cop is there to see it.

We'll see who has the last laugh then.

Underage Morons

The best part of my job involves the idiots that come in trying to buy beer or cigarettes when they aren't old enough. It's funny how they come in to the store all hopeful but then once they are done dealing with me they don't find the situation funny anymore.

We get these probably once a week, sometimes more on the weekend.

First, I'd like to talk about the ones that come in and ARE old enough, but don't have their ID. How the hell am I supposed to know that you turned 18 a few days ago? Just because YOU know you're 18 doesn't mean you shouldn't bring your ID in anymore. And then you have the nerve to get bitchy with ME because I'm carding you.

Listen you moron, I'm just doing my job. I don't give a shit whether you leave the store with or without your cigarettes or beer. It doesn't benefit me either way if you get to smoke or drink. I've heard all the comments before, you are not telling me anything new. So while you get all huffy and puffy about not being able to buy something without an ID, you are making yourself look pretty damn stupid.

One time, I had a girl come in to buy cigarettes. She handed me her ID, and the picture was that of a different customer that always comes into the store. So I told her I couldn't sell them to her, and she proceeds to argue with me. I was positive that this wasn't her in the ID, so I just told her no and she cussed me out on her way out the door. But she was cussing me out WITHOUT her precious cigarettes. Hah!

Another time I refused to sell this punk some cigarettes, so he got back in his car, pulled over to where my window was, waited until I looked, and then proceeded to flick me off and peel away. He actually peeled away in his car. Like I was supposed to be all scared that he was some badass. 'Oh my god, his tires squealed! Damn, I should have sold him those cigarettes.” Please. Just go back to your mommy and keep stealing the smokes from her purse.

It's funny how the people that buy beer don't even get as mad as the cigarette brats. Probably because everything knows you will be carded for beer, but cigarettes aren't that big of a deal. Bullshit they aren't. One of the people that used to work with me got busted for selling cigarettes to minors. She carded them and everything like she was supposed to, but apparently they faked the IDs. And unluckily for her, there just happened to be two agents outside that were sitting in their car trying to catch underage sales. That employee ended up being fined $1000, so yeah, that's why I don't care if you get your beer or cigarettes.