Cup After Cup After Cup

I got so pissed off the other morning when I came in to work. (What's new, right?)

Anyways, I'm standing at the register talking to my co-worker and watch as this woman walks in with a coffee mug. She takes a 16 oz. cup of ours and pours some cappuccino in it. She then takes a sip, and throws the cup out.

Next, she takes a 12 oz. cup, pours some cappuccino in it, takes a sip and then throws it out.

Finally she fills up her own coffee mug with coffee. Then she comes to the register.

"You know, I can give you a sample cup next time so you don't have to throw out those cups of ours."

She just looked at me and I could tell she wanted to say something bitchy.

"Okay," was all she said as she then disregarded me for the rest of the sale.

Again I ask, who do people think they are? How can someone be so freaking wasteful? She basically just walked in and started throwing our cups out. Do people not realize that those things cost money?

And then when I say something to her about it, she gets a look on her face like I'm just some stupid cashier and shouldn't even be talking to her. Dumb bitch.

I hope she got her freshly highlighted hair caught in her car window. And when she was trying to pull her hair out of the window, I hope she spilled her coffee all over her shirt and burned her boobs.

Step Right Up, Folks

I remember an incident that happened when I first started working at the store...

It was morning, and I was just waking up and stumbling into work.

As I opened the door, I see a man laying on the floor inside our store. He's kinda just laying there and moving around a little like he's in pain.

I stare for a second and go up to the night shift girl and ask her what happened.

She tells me the guy just fell down and thinks he might be having a heart attack or something, so she called the police and they are on their way.

So we're standing there watching and making sure this guy is okay, even though there's not much we can do but wait until the ambulance shows up.

The one thing I remember about this and will never forget is that here this guy is, spread out on the ground right in front of the front doors, writhing in pain, and customers are actually walking in and stepping over him to come up to the register.

...really?

I couldn't believe that people were doing this. One guy didn't see him until the last minute and kind of jumped over his body to avoid tripping over him. But that didn't phase him; he just came right up to the register to get his cigarettes, and then hopped over him again on his way out.

I don't know about you, but if I saw a man laying there on the ground at 6 in the morning, I'd get the fuck out of there. There isn't a thing in that store that could tempt me to step over this man's body while he's having a heart attack. Not even a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

We never knew what happened to that man once the ambulance took him away. Hopefully he didn't have shoe marks on his chest from customers that probably stepped ON him to come in and buy their coffee and cigarettes.

Sadly not one customer that morning asked what was wrong with the guy. I guess it's normal to have people laying on the floor in the middle of a store.

Umm, You Left Your Coffee...Oh, Nevermind

I don't know why, but I find it hilarious when people pull away with their coffee or beverages on the top of their car.

For some reason it makes me laugh, even if I've been having a shitty day.

The best one yet was where this guy had gotten 4 cups of coffee, put them in a drink carrier tray and set it on top of his car. He was on his cell phone, of course, so he forgot about them when getting into his car.

I didn't notice it until he was already in his car, but by then it was too late. I tried knocking on our window, even though he never would have been able to hear it. At least I made an effort before I laughed, right?

So I got to watch as the whole tray actually made it down the street still on the top of his car. The downfall was when he went to go make a left turn onto another street. That's when his coffee tray slid off the rooftop and splattered all over the ground.

Ahh, it's the little things that amuse me these days.

Just Say NO!

This guy came in this weekend with his little girl. The little girl had a ton of items in her hand, ranging from doughnuts to mini-muffins.

The guy held up two cups of coffee to show me that that's what he was buying. During all this, he was talking like a baby to his little girl. "Okay sweetheart, this woman's going to put all of this in a bag and ring it up for us."

So I did. I rung it up and put it all in a bag. I told him his total and he looked at me funny. Then he whispers to me, "Oh no, I just wanted the cups of coffee!"

Which means that instead of telling his kid 'No', he let her bring up AT LEAST ten items to the counter, all of which I had to put in a bag just so I could play 'pretend' too. Even as the father was telling me this, the kid was bringing up more items to the register and here he is telling her 'Okay, she's going to ring all of this up and put it to the side for us and we will be back later to pick it up' as he sets these new items on the counter.

I get that he probably didn't want his kid crying all over the store, but sometimes you just have to say no! Why do I have to then put every single item back that YOUR kid picked up because YOU couldn't tell them to put it back in the first place?

Who knows, maybe I'll understand more when I have children. But until then I think it's rude to do that to a poor cashier. Put your own shit back on the shelf.

Things I Hate: The Coffee Creamer Machine

If there's one machine I hate in the whole world, it is our coffee creamer machine.

Why?

Because we have to fill the damn thing. Multiple times a day.

Every morning I watch as people fill their cup 3/4ths of the way with half & half, and then add the remaining 1/4th full of coffee. So yes, the machine seems to empty out quickly.

What I hate is when people will interrupt me while I'm with a customer to yell out 'Your creamer is empty!'

My creamer is empty? Allow me to explain why that makes no sense.

I do not dispense half & half, milk, or french vanilla creamer from my body. While telling me that my creamer is empty, you are technically making a reference to my boobs, also called creamers. What you are really telling me is that my boobs aren't dispensing any fluids into your cup of coffee. That, is pretty gross. See why yelling this out to me makes you look stupid?

So the next time you want to inform me that the machine needs to be filled, why don't you tell me that? A simple 'Um, could you replace the coffee creamer machine? It's not working right," would do just fine. Instead of yelling at me 'You're out of creamer!!!', learn to be patient and polite, or else you can be sure I'll definitely put some mystery cream in your coffee next time.

Another Crappy Kid Story

Today we had another kid come in with his mother. This kid was about 5 years old and the mother must have decided that she didn't feel like watching him in the store.

This little brat decided that he would destroy everything in his path. He knocked things off shelves, opened up packages, and broke displays.

When one of the employees confronted the mother about this, she replied with "Oh, he's just a bad kid" and continued getting her coffee.

So the employee decided that he would charge her for the bags of peanuts and candy bars that this kid opened. What did the mother do? She decided to argue about it because she didn't think she should be charged, stating again, that he's "just a bad kid".

The funny thing about this was that there were 3 people sitting outside in this mother's car, so this crappy kid didn't need to come into the store at all.

This was one of those times that I wish I had been there, because I probably would have gone all Jerry Springer on this woman.

People, our job description is CASHIER, not BABYSITTER. Watch your kid when they are in a store with you. If they break shit, then YOU have to pay for it. And people wonder why prices are so high. It's because we have to make up for it when you get kids destroying products!

The Minimum is $2.00, Please.

We have a minimum purchase amount for credit cards. It's $2.00. That means that you can't use your credit card for any purchase under $2.00. Simple, right?

Not to some people.

We get tons of people in everyday pissed off because they can't charge their 35 cent gum or their 75 cent newspaper. We don't have this rule because we want you to buy all this shit in the store, we have it because credit card companies charge businesses fees for taking credit cards. We just want our fees back.

The worst customer I ever had from this issue was this guy that came in one morning. He got a coffee refill, which cost 75 cents, and wanted to charge it on his credit card. I told him that he had to reach $2.00, and he freaked out.

The next thing I know he's outside at his car, on his cell phone. Then he comes in, still on his cell phone, but taking pictures of our store. Then he comes up to me at the register and says he's on the phone with his credit card company and that we're not allowed to do that. Well, this pissed me off.

I watched as he continued to talk irately to the person on the phone, while taking pictures of the signs in our store at the same time. So I waited for him to get off the phone and asked him what his problem was.

He told me that it wasn't right that he didn't have enough money for his coffee refill and wanted to charge it instead. So then, he pulls out change from his pocket, telling me that all he had was 60 cents or so.

I then told him that he just made himself look like the biggest asshole by going through that whole thing with taking pictures and stuff, and that if he would have just told me all he had was 60 cents, I would have put the rest of the money in for him.

After that he immediately calmed down and started apologizing. I told him to give me his 60 cents, and that I would pay the rest, and that it would probably be best if he didn't come into the store again.

He said thanks and left.

Really? You didn't want to spend another $1.25 to make the credit card limit? You didn't seem to hold back on the fancy car you were driving, you jackass.

I'm glad I haven't seen that asshole since.

No Good Mornings for You

There are a few things I don't say to people in the morning, mainly because I can't stand the typical response everyone gives.

The first? "Good Morning"

No, I will not add the 'Good' to the 'Morning' because I will typically get a response like this:

Me: Good Morning Sir (or Ma'am).

Customer: What's so good about it?

Since just about every crabby person in the morning says this, I have decided to eliminate the 'Good' from my greeting.

However, I still get the same response but this time I can respond back.

Me: Morning.

Customer: What's so good about it?

Me: I didn't say GOOD morning.

Customer: Oh.

Yes, I always get an 'Oh' from the customers. Sometimes they will smile sheepishly and other times they will ignore me. But it makes me feel a little better that I called them out on it.

Another greeting I won't use: 'Hi.'

Why? Because this will get me a response of 'I wish I was. (hardy har har)'

Yes, these people wish they were high. This annoys the hell out of me because I hear this several times a day, and each time a person says it, they think they are the original genius that came up with it.

NO, YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO RESPOND THAT YOU WISH YOU WERE HIGH. YOU ARE ABOUT THE TENTH PERSON THAT HOUR TO SAY THAT TO ME.

Sometimes I wish a cop were around just so they could hear them say that. I doubt there was anything they could do, but still. Actually, I wish there was a cop around for many things people do.

Maybe one day in cashier heaven I will get my wish.

Coffee People

"This coffee tastes like crap," is what I heard when I walked in this morning.

Apparently mixing 4 different flavors of cappuccino plus coffee makes it taste like shit. Who knew?

It's not enough that I had to hear that first thing in the morning. But when the woman directs it at me, what am I supposed to do?

Cookies & Cream + French Vanilla + Hot Chocolate + Double Mocha + Coffee = EWWWWWWW

Since this woman decided she didn't like this concoction from hell, she wanted to pour it out and get another cup of coffee. Plain. Like it should have been in the first place.

So I told her that she had to pay for both. She gets mad and starts arguing with me that she shouldn't have to pay for another one.

How on this Earth is anything about this situation my fault? Some people don't realize that a gas station isn't a free tasting store. You can just open up a Twinkie, take a bite, then decide you don't want it. The same goes with coffee.

If you are moron enough to try that many different flavors and then throw it all away while demanding you get another cup for free, then you need to get out of my face. But pay for your coffee first, THEN get out.

I swear, it's always the first customer of the day that manages to set the mood for the rest of the day.

Different Shifts

My favorite time of the day is usually the morning shift. Actually, it's the morning and evening shift. In the early morning, we get the customers that are just waking up in the morning and need their coffee. Most of the time, they are too out of it to be mean and they just want to get their stuff and go to work. That's what I like. The ones that are in and out.

It's pretty much the same way with the early evening customers too. They are usually the ones that are there in the morning too, and they are stopping in again on their way home from work. Those people just want to get their stuff and get home.

While I tend to like most of the morning crowd, it's usually the ones near the end of that shift that manage to piss me off. It's 11am and they should be at work by now, but instead they are getting their coffee and spilling it all over the place. Take today for instance. I had this guy come in with his kid. He barely spoke English, but you could tell he was the type to boss his wife around and drink alot. Anyways, he came in to get coffee, but I don't think that's what he wanted in the first place. It was just the fact that he happened to see me cleaning the coffee area that made him decide that he had to have coffee right then and there. So he kind of moves in front of me, apologizing while pushing me out of the way. So I stand off to the side and wait for him to finish. Soon after, I hear a cuss word and realize he is standing there holding his dripping cup of coffee half full, while the other half is on the floor.

Really?

So I get pissed and go get the mop. He is attempting to clean it up using over 1000 of our napkins bunched together. So I tell him that I got it and he proceeds to stand there refilling his cup while I'm trying to mop around him. At least wait til I'm done cleaning up YOUR MESS before you get your fucking coffee. Asshole. So yes, it's people like that that really make me mad.

The shift that I dislike the most is the afternoon shift. That shift is mostly full of old people playing lottery, and people that have no jobs so they have nothing else to do but walk around the store looking suspicious. Oh, and it's also full of kids that are getting off of school.

That shift is usually the slowest one of the day. The people that come in are lottery players. They have nothing better to do than play the lottery. And stand there. And scratch. Every. Single. Ticket. At. The. Counter. What they don't realize, is that there are other people that come in to the store needing to buy things. These ticket scratchers think they own the counter and not only are they taking up space, they are littering so that I have to clean it up.

I wish we had an area that people could play their stupid tickets at. Most of the lottery customers are the worst. In fact, I'm dedicating a whole chapter just to them.

Anyways, back to the different shifts. While the worst shift is the afternoon one, the creepiest shift is the night shift, also known as the graveyard shift. There are many types of freaks the frequent the convenience stores late at night, and I'm sure I've seen every one of them.

It's no wonder these people only come out at night, they are too fucked-up to be among the general population.

Usually the drunk crowd comes in for a few hours, but then after that, around 1am to 3am, that's when the weird shit happens. It's like a ghost town out there once beer sales close for the night. Then all the weirdos and druggies come out. There's nothing worse than being on a night shift by yourself, have it be all quiet, and then watch as someone stumbles in that looks like they are going to rob you.

There should be a rule for all freaks that come out at night. Don't constantly stare up at the cashier while looking for something to buy. It makes me suspicious and ready to call the cops.

Cell Phones

I will probably bring up cell phones a lot here. I hate when people come up to my counter talking on their cell phone. Now, I don't care if you are on your phone and talking to me telling me what you want, at least you're paying attention.

I'm talking about those that are on their phones and completely ignore me asking if they need anything else or when I tell them their totals.

I HATE repeating myself. If you are on your phone and I tell you your total and you look at me mid-sentence and go 'huh?', I am going to say it again louder and slower. So when I do that, don't look at me like I'm the idiot here. Get off your phone and pay attention.

I had a guy the other day that was so loud on his phone that we couldn't hear the other customers. I had to tell him his total twice and even then he took forever to pay me. So when his turn was over, I tried ringing up other customers but this guy just wouldn't move and just kept talking loudly on his phone. When he finally got ready to go, he ended up spilling his coffee all over the place from trying to balance his phone on his ear.

So I got pissed.

I grabbed paper towels and told him to get out. He looked at me and asked what the hell my problem was. (He used nastier words, but I won't repeat them here.)

I told him that he was talking on his cell phone, and that's what my problem was. He responded with 'So what? What does that have to do with anything?'

So I politely (okay maybe not) told him that he spilled his coffee all over the place because he wasn't paying attention and that's why I had a problem. So I told him to get out again. By this time there was a line of customers behind him just watching the whole thing.

So on his way out, he proceeds to cuss me out to this mystery person on the phone calling me a 'crabby bitch'. Other customers heard him and started yelling stuff out after him, but of course he didn't hear because he was on his cell phone.

So please, do your local customer service person a favor. Get off your phone before you come up to the counter. We'll love you for it, I promise!