The Bathroom (continued)...

My favorite bathroom customers are the ones that come in all hopeful, see a sign pointing them to the direction of the bathroom, and then quickly walk over to the bathroom only to discover that it isn't working. I love watching it as this happens, because their shoulders fall in disappointment, and then they immediately turn around in the hopes that I'll notice their distress and come to their rescue by letting them use our employee bathroom in the back. Yeah, right. Usually when I see them start to turn around, I'll quickly look down so as to not notice them pleading at me with their eyes. After that, the normal people just usually walk out.

But then there's the other types. There are the people that see the sign, yet will continue to walk on over to the bathroom and proceed to try the door handle to see if it's really locked. When I see this, I ask myself this question:

What are they going to do in there if the door to an Out of Order bathroom is unlocked?

I mean, if it says its out of order, then its probably not working, right? And that most likely means there is some kind of clog going on in that toilet. So the only thing I can think of, is that they are going to proceed to shit and piss on top of the shit and piss that is in there clogging the toilet, right? They probably figure that it's already broken and needs to be plunged, so what's one more load in there.

These people I would like to smack if I could. But usually they try the bathroom door, see it is locked and then go on their merry way.

Then there are the types that see it is out of order and decide to come up and talk to me about it. Some will come up and sweet talk me, asking “if I buy something can I use the bathroom then?” The answer is: no.

There are others that come up to me and ask me if the bathroom is really out of order. If I don't know them, I say yes. Then they proceed to do the pee dance and say they really need to go and want to know if I know where other bathrooms are. No, I don't. Why? Because I could care less that you forgot to use the facilities before you left your house. Isn't that what we ask our children all the time? 'Use the bathroom before we leave, Jimmy, because we aren't stopping on the way. That rule should still apply to some people these days.

There are some people that come in and you can tell they need to take a massive crap and who knows what else. These people are the reason I'm glad the bathroom doesn't work. As soon as you tell them that the bathroom is out of order, they simply say 'Oh no' and run out of the store eager to find another place to go. Yes, my friend, you are the reason that I never give the bathroom key out anymore.