Saturday, June 26, 2010

Open Letter to a Spider

Dear Spider,

What the fuck. I volunteered to work a night shift and was pretty tired. I decided to make a cup of coffee in order to stay awake.

I waited an hour for my coffee to cool down.

Imagine my surprise when I go to take my first sip and see you, dear spider, perched on the edge of my cup.

You scared the crap out of me.

Imagine your surprise when I screamed and dropped my coffee, spilling it all over the floor. I looked as clumsy as a customer.

I'm sorry I stepped on you fifty-seven times. I was pissed. And I wanted to make sure you were dead and wouldn't come find me in the middle of the night to crawl in my mouth.

Maybe in your next life you'll learn not to sit on a cashier's coffee cup when she really needed that coffee to stay awake.

Yours in faith,



  1. Well at least the coffee did wake you up :)

  2. ttfn to mr. spider. or as my 2-1/2 year old granddaughter says, see you later crocodile. :)

  3. I simply hate it when that happens! I really can even admire a spider with a beautiful web OUTSIDE, but please stay out. I use a more humanitarian approach though now after I made Alex kill his parents pet spider (not knowing it was Humphrey), and now I gently escort them to the great outdoors rather than stomping on them. Still, in or on my coffee cup, all reprieves are off!

  4. HAHA! You are too funny, "Dear spider, what the fuck." Love it. I have an intense hatred/fear of spiders, doesn't help that my town is infested with those creepy looking black ones with the long triple-jointed-looking legs, and the big fat ones with pulsing eggsacs on their backs. In the summer, I won't even go out our back door without sending one of the kids first to do a spider inspection of the doorway. You only have to have a spider drop on you once for it to completely ruin the rest of your life. *full-body shudder*



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