Thursday, June 24, 2010

Is The Bathroom Really That Bad?

Our bathroom is forever out of order. On purpose, of course.

I can't stand it when people ask something like 'Well, how bad IS the bathroom?'

If I tell you it's out of order, that means you can't use it. End of story. Not for some people though. They want to know details about what's wrong with it, if they can fix it, if they can just use it real quick, etc. By the time they get done asking questions about it, I'm surprised they haven't peed their pants by how long they took to inquire about the bathroom.

Just once I'd like the conversation to go something like this:

Customer: Can I use the bathroom?

Me: Sorry, it's out of order.

Customer: It is? Well, is it really that bad? I mean, how bad is it? Can I still use it? I'll be fast.

Me: How bad is it? Let's see. Somebody must have let a monkey loose in there, because there is poop with corn in it smeared all over the walls. Someone also must have forgotten their glasses because there is piss all over the corner. Another person puked in the sink - we think they ate Chinese food, somebody else stuffed a bunch of bloody paper towels in the toilet and clogged that up. And oh yeah, someone else also headbutted the mirror in there. I don't think it's usable right now.

Customer: ....

If you're wondering if any of those things have ever happened, yes they have. Just not all at once.


  1. we've had the mess smeared on the walls and the piss in the corner. You've got us beat on the puking in the sink and the mirror though. Our messes have been made by our senior citizen customers. They're sweet people but not when you have to clean up after them.

  2. You could just reach under your register, hand them a big Homer bucket and a roll of toilet paper and tell them to have at it.

  3. Ann: I would probably prefer messes made by old people. We get the drunks that shit their pants and the girls that are puking cuz they're probably pregnant and don't know it yet.

    Midwestern Mama Holly: I would LOVE to leave the messes in there to give the next person a surprise when they go in. That'll teach them to never ask for a bathroom key again. ;-)

  4. So, you're saying I "can't" use it? What if I'm real quick?

  5. I was right in the middle of eating my lunch when I read this.
    Thank you for helping me with my diet. :)

  6. That's just disgusting. I'm not usually one to gag or get grossed out but the corn & then Chinese....yuck..

    I think I need to send this to a few of my enemy er...friends!


  7. That is horrible. I remember my nephew working for Church's Chicken and someone was always coming in there messing up the bathroom. they would draw straws to see who would have to clean it up.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  8. When I see an Out of Order sign on a bathroom door, I...uh...take their word for it. Because I've been in enough bathrooms to know that if someone bothered to post a sign, it must be pretty bad.

  9. Out of order means find somewhere else to go (to me). I've seen a stall in a mall bathroom that looked like the monkey and the Chinese food. Gross!



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