I Guess Beggars Can Be Choosers

We used to have this woman that would walk up and down the street everyday. She would carry plastic bags and a few clothes. She wore very scarce clothing; one could see her ta-tas if they caught the right angle. No, she was not a hooker; we concluded that she was homeless.

She would come into our store everyday, not saying much. She was really thin and just looked sad. I felt bad for her every time she came in because it looked like she walked everywhere, her shoes were so worn.

When she did buy something, it was usually a 25 cent piece of gum or a piece of string cheese. So, one day when she came in, I asked her if she wanted one of the hot dogs on the roller grill and that I'd buy her one. Her face lit up in delight; it was as if that was the most nutritious meal she was going to get all week. She scarfed down that hot dog faster than someone driving off without paying for gas.

So this continued on. She would come in every day and I would buy her a hot dog. I didn't mind, she looked like she needed something to eat. After her hot dog she would gather all of her stuff and shuffle away down the street.

One day she came in and I asked her if she wanted a hot dog. She said no, that she'd rather have a piece of chocolate for free instead of a hot dog. I was shocked that she asked that, so I said go ahead.

After she left, I conferred with my co-workers and we all decided that the situation was weird. If you look like you're starving, why would you refuse something to eat and ask for candy instead?

So after that, I was prepared the next time. She comes in the next day and I asked her the usual. She asked me again if she could have chocolate. So this time I told her no, that if she didn't want the hot dog then she'd have to pay for anything else she wanted.

So what does she do?

This woman proceeds to pull out a wad of bills from her scruffy pants pocket, licks her finger and starts thumbing through them looking for a $1 bill!

She buys a candy bar (Mr. Goodbar) and leaves the store.

After I pick my mouth up off the floor, I run to tell everyone what just happened. So from then on I did a little detective work.

Asking around, I found out that she isn't homeless, and lives in a house up the street with her significant other. Geez, is this her daytime job or something? Pretending to be homeless? I asked her one time where she lives and she told me she didn't have a home. And then looked up at me with puppy dog eyes. LIAR!

So from then on, anytime she came in looking for a handout, we all ignored her. After awhile she started to come in less and less, until we didn't see her anymore. But I still see her around, and I swear I saw her get off the bus the other day in what looked like an expensive fur coat.