Thursday, April 15, 2010

Would You Like a Bag?

I hate asking customers if they want their stuff in a bag.

I don't mind the ones that actually NEED a bag, but the ones that buy a 25 cent granola bar? What the hell do you need a bag for?

And then there's the ones that aren't even paying attention:

Me (after ringing up their purchase): Would you like a bag?

Customer (fucking around on their cell phone): Yeah, sure.

Me: *gets a plastic bag to bag their stuff and starts putting it in the bag*

Customer: *looks up* Oh, no, I don't need a bag.

Me: ...

I'd just like to say, THANK YOU for making me bend down and grab a bag when you didn't want one in the first place. My bones are old, they creak and shiver and my knees are weak from too many years of stocking.

So when you ask me for a bag and don't want one, here's what I will do: Absolutely nothing at the moment.

But I will, however, wait until you come in next time. Because, yes, I will remember you.

I will wait until the day when you DO need a bag. And when you do, I will then take my tongue and slime-ily lick my fingers so that I can get a good hold on your bag. And I will keep doing this until you look up and notice.

You will have no choice but to notice that my spit will now be on your bag; the bag that you didn't want months ago.

So in conclusion: Pay attention when I ask you if you want a bag.


  1. ha! I can relate. I worked in a rinky dink store for a year and the customers....made me crazier!

  2. All I can do is laugh! :D

  3. Cell phones should be outlawed in public. Just saying. I do like your plan the next time this clod comes in though.

    Have a terrific day and weekend. :)

  4. It's funny you say this because I hate when Cashiers -ask- me if I'd like a bag. Hah. If I want one, I'll ask, ya know?

  5. LMAO, you make sure there is a piece of you going home with them don't you.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  6. Dee: Me too, Dee. Me too.

    Chrissy: lol Thank you. :-)

    Lauren: Good, that means I'm telling the story right. :-)

    Sandee: I have lots of things I plan to do to customers. Will I ever? Probably not. :-)

    Sally: Thanks. :-)

    The Wifey: Yeah, when I don't ask though, then they just stand there looking at me. So I always ask now just so I can get them the hell out of there. :-)

    Redbonegirl97: Yes, I require it. ;-)

  7. Agh, I used to HATE giving out bags to people that had purchased, like, a chocolate bar. I always tried to give them my lofty-holier-than-thou-fine-ruin- the-fucking-environment-you moron look. I dont know if it worked, but I sure got to practice it alot



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